


The Things We Miss The Most

by thiscanbegin



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, F/M, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-10-08 02:52:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 38,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10376235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiscanbegin/pseuds/thiscanbegin
Summary: A year after a fatal car accident, Quinn Fabray returns to her small Northern California coastal town of Lima. Coming with her is her best friend and roommate Sam Evans. Quinn has no idea what to expect going back to her hometown and is afraid, guilt over the accident eating away at her.





	1. It's All Coming Back to Me Now

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU Faberry story. Lima is a small coastal fishing town in California. All mistakes are my own, as I don't currently have a beta so please, if you notice any spelling errors or anything else that I might have missed feel free to point them out.

_Everything was a blur as Quinn Fabray opened her eyes and she was blinded buy flashing red and blue lights. She closed her eyes for several seconds before attempting to open them again. Slower this time, she allowed her eyes to adjust themselves to the lights and not be so blinded by them. She tried to lift her head to look around but when she couldn't move her head she began to panic._

_"Calm down, you're all right," an unfamiliar voice told her. It was muted by the ringing in her ears but Quinn could still make out what was said. The owner of the voice appeared over her moments later. Even though her vision was still blurred, there was no mistaking the man's uniform; he was a paramedic. That's when Quinn began to realize that she was strapped to an ambulance gurney and the reason why she couldn't move her head was because she was in a neck brace and had what felt like tape strapped over her head to further keep it from moving. That's when it all came back to her in such a rush that it made her head hurt even more than it already was:_

_It was her, Rachel and Finn, Sam, and Santana and Brittany crammed into her car. Sam was riding up front with her as she drove, while the others were sitting in the backseat. Things were going great; they were all filled with joy and singing songs on their way to the beach for the bonfire Puck was hosting to celebrate their high school graduation. They'd been stopped at an intersection, waiting for the light to turn green. She had glanced over her shoulder into the back and caught Rachel's gaze. They both smiled at each other and then it was all blinding light as a drunk driver slammed into them from behind, pushing them into oncoming traffic._

_"Rachel?" Quin gasped out, looking up at the paramedic with terrified eyes and tears spilling down the sides of her face. "My friends? Wh-Where..."_

_"Shh," the paramedic tried to soother her again. His partner on the other side of the gurney put an oxygen mask over Quinn's face and she tried to fight it but the sedative that the first paramedic was putting through the IV in her arm was slowly taking affect and her fight ended as her eyes closed and she drifted into unconsciousness again._

 

**PRESENT DAY**

Quinn sat up in bed, gasping for breath in the midst of an anxiety attack from her nightmare. Sheets stuck to her sweat slicked skin, and her hair was a ratted mess from tossing and turning during her nightmare. Every breath she was luckily enough to get was returned in choked out sobs.

Her bedroom door opened suddenly and light flooded her room, blinding her for a moment as her eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the room before. When she could, she looked over at her door to see Sam standing there with worry written all over his face and sadness in his eyes. in the entire year that they had lived together in their tiny apartment, this was almost a nightly ritual; Quinn would wake up in hysterics over the same nightmare that she had been plagued by since the car accident that was almost a year ago. In fact they were only a few weeks (12 days to be exact) away from the one year anniversary and the closer the calendar got to the date, the more intense and frequent Quinn's nightmares became. Neither said anything as Sam moved to the bed and sat next to her, arms open wide. Quinn quickly curled into his embrace, sobbing into his shoulder. Sam just held her tightly, fingers of one hand attempting to untangle the other blonde's locks while the other pressed into her back to old her closer to him. They continued without words as Quinn continued to sob until her tears began cease and her breathing slowed, thanks to Sam's comforting arms.

"I'm sorry," Quinn apologized, once her tears had completely subsided, in a soft whisper but Sam was able to her hear though, because her head was resting on his shoulder. She closed her eyes momentarily but quickly snapped them open again as the last part of her nightmare played behind her closed lids. Details of the accident she learned later on but the very last thing Quinn remembered right before they were crashed into was Rachel's smile. That was what haunted her the most.

"You know you don't have to apologize. We were in a serious accident, it's okay to still be traumatized by it," Sam replied gently, but there was a tiredness behind his words as well, as if it was well rehearsed. In a way it almost was, as he had been the only comfort for Quinn during this entire ordeal and had spoken the words he'd just said in one variation or another.

Quinn pulled back from his embrace to wipe what remained of the tears from her face. Just when she thought she couldn't cry anymore in that particular moment, she caught sight of the pale pink scars that Sam bore from the accident; the first ran from his hairline and angled down to his eyebrow and the second was a small nearly perfect line across his other check. Both were caused by the airbag hitting him. Sam made the best of a fucked up situation by using his scars to his advantage when he would go to bars to pick up women. Quinn had gone with him a few times as a wing-woman and each girl that Sam approached, he had a different story for about his scars, though his favorite to use was the line where he had been a zoo keeper and was attacked by a lion. Quinn had no idea how he could joke or make light of them but didn't ever ask because anytime the accident was brought up in a discussion, he grew very silent and very still until the topic was dropped.

"You good now?" Sam asked with a gentle smile. Quinn nodded and they both knew it was a lie, but it was part of this ritual for him to ask and her to indicate she was, whether it was verbally or just a nod of the head. They were silent for a long time, sitting shoulder to shoulder on the bed. Finally, Sam had to asked. "Are you worried about going back?" He knew what the answer was "yes" even if Quinn chose not to answer him honestly. He was surprised, though, when she did.

"I'm completely, utterly, fucking, _terrified_ , Sam," she replied, starring off into the distance at the wall in front of them.

Summer break would start for them in less than a week and then they would head back to Lima on Greyhound. If it weren't for Sam's parents, his mother especially, who had practically adopted her and let her move in after her parents found out she was gay, Quinn would never set foot in Lima ever again. Not after the accident, which, even though it was in no way Quinn's fault, she still felt guilty over.

"You're not going alone," Sam reminded her, as he slung an arm over her shoulders to pull her into him again, which she willingly obliged, comforted by this hold. Even though they had been best friends for years, and practically family since Quinn had moved in with them, a part of Sam still harbored feelings from their attempt at dating back in high school. He knew that he'd never have a chance, not since Quinn trusted him enough to come out to him their senior year, under the bleachers by the football field and confess her love for Rachel Berry. Regardless of how he felt, he still loved Quinn in a friendship-like way and would always be there when she needed him.

"I'm going back to bed," she said as she forced herself to move from his embrace again. "You should too."

"Yeah," he agreed with a nod. After getting a peck on his unscathed cheek, Sam stood and headed for the door. "Love you, Quinn," he said before he flicked off her light and exited the room, closing the door behind him.

Quinn laid back against her sweat soaked sheets. It was uncomfortable and cold but she had no energy to get up to change them, and was, unfortunately, starting to become accustomed to the feeling. Instead of going back to sleep, she stayed up all night, staring up at her ceiling until the light of dawn started to peek though her bedroom window and begin to illuminate her bedroom. Only then did Quinn closed her eyes to get some sleep, hoping that the comforting morning light would keep her demons at bay for a few hours. The last thing that she thought of before completely drifting off into sleep was Rachel's smile just before the accident.

"Rachel," she sighed softly, before drifting fully into sleep.


	2. For the Best You Didn't Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn and Sam arrive back in Lima. No one knows what to expect

"It's so good to have you two back," Mary Evans, Sam's mother and Quinn's surrogate mom, said from the passenger seat of the car, looking into the backseat where Sam and Quinn were. After being picked up from the bus station, they were now headed home. "I've got a roast that's been cooking all day and I've baked a cake."

"Mom, you really didn't have to do that," Sam said smiling fondly at her. Quinn nodded in agreement with him.

"Really Mrs. Evans, we would have been fine with pizza or something. You really didn't have to go out of your way," Quinn added. Truthfully it made her heart warm that Mrs. Evans had done all that just for their homecoming. Ever since that day her parents kicked her out and the Evans family had taken her in, she felt at home. More so than she ever had with her biological family, who shunned and abandoned her just because she wasn't what they wanted her to be. But Mr. and Mrs. Evans didn't care about all that. All they cared about was _Quinn_. It was an amazing feeling.

"Mary," Mrs. Evans corrected her.

"Mary," Quinn echoed with a soft nod.

"So what are you kids going to do first now that you're home?" Dwight Evans asked, glancing at the kids in the rear view mirror quickly before he returned his eyes to the road.

"They're going to relax and rest, of course," Mrs. Evans answered for them. "They just got home."

Quinn tuned out Mr. and Mrs. Evans talking in the front seat, as she stared out the car window at all the familiar places flashing by. There went Bread Sticks, the place where most everyone in town are because it was the only real restaurant Lima had. There goes the coffee shop where Quinn and her friends had spent hours studying or just hanging out. Tears began to well in her eyes as she watched all the sights from her childhood pass by as they drove through town.

Without a word Sam took her hand in his, interlacing their fingers. Quinn looked over at him with a grateful smile. She would have been lost without Sam, this past year especially, but not just because of that. He was the first person she had ever dared to come out to. Even knowing their past history, she was scared to come out to Santana and Brittany. There was just something comforting about having Sam around and even though they had dated for a while back in high school, before she admitted she was gay and in love in Rachel Berry, she thought of him has family.

\---

"Home sweet home," Mr. Evans said, pulling into the driveway of the Evans house. It hadn't changed since the last time Quinn had seen it, which was another comfort.

The second the engine stopped, Sam's siblings Stevie and Stacie came running out to greet them. Stacie went straight for Quinn first, hugging her as tightly as she could, while Stevie was hugging their brother. She viewed Quinn as the sister she never had and Quinn felt the same.

"I can't believe how grown up you look," Quinn said with a genuine smile as they hugged. Sam couldn't help but smile himself seeing Quinn's. It was rare to get a genuine, happy smile from her nowadays, so he was thankful for it now. When the hug ended, Stevie took his sister's place and hugged Quinn as well. "You too Stevie, wow."

"Thanks," Stevie replied.

"Help your old man out with the luggage kids," Mr. Evans asked Stevie and Stacie, who followed him around to the trunk of the car.

"Come on, let's get you two freshened up," Mrs. Evans said, encouraging Sam and Quinn into the house.

The smell of the roast that Mrs. Evans had cooked hit both of them the second they passed through the threshold of the door and it made Quinn's mouth water instantly. Truth be told she had missed Mrs. Evans cooking more than she wanted to admit. It was another thing she loved about this family and another thing she found solace and comfort in. Her own mother never cooked. She always had the maids do it. Quinn never knew the difference between a good home cooked meal until she had moved in with the Evans family. There was just something about Mrs. Evans cooking that was different from what she had growing up with her own parents and if she had to bet on what made it different, she would have said love.

Quinn followed Stacie, who was carrying one of her suitcases, and Mr. Evans, who had her her other suitcase, up the stairs to the room that she and Stacie shared before she and Sam had moved. With each step she took in all the pictures that lined the staircase wall. At first it was just baby pictures and family photos of the Evans clan, but as they further ascended the stairs, pictures of Quinn appeared. Ones of her alone, ones of her with Sam, with Stacie and Stevie. Her favorite was the one of the whole family and her after graduation. When she looked at it, she saw a family and it made her heart swell.

"It sure is nice to be home," Quinn said once she was in her and Stacie's room. It hadn't changed much either during her time away. A few new posters on Stacie's side but her side of the room was just like she left it, the only difference were the clean sheets that Mrs. Evans had put on her bed, which Quinn happily sunk into as she laid down, a soft sigh escaping her lips. No matter how she felt about Lima, at least she knew in this room; in this house, she was safe. That she was loved unconditionally, no matter what and the accident a year ago hadn't changed that. If anything, it only made her bond with the Evans clan stronger in the wake of the devastation that was caused by the drunk who crashed into Quinn's car.

"Dinner in ten minutes!" Mrs. Evans called out from the kitchen.

"C'mon," Quinn said as she got to her feet. She held out her hand for Stacie to take, which she accepted, and the two headed downstairs.

\---

It was only 9 by the time Quinn was ready to call it a night. She was full and sated thanks to the amazing dinner that Mrs. Evans had pepraired for their arrival and the cake had been decadent and rich, All she wanted to do now was head up to her room and get some rest. She quickly said her goodnight to the rest of the family before she climbed up the steps to her room. With each step she could feel herself growing more tired and couldn't wait to change into her pajamas and just sleep.

Unfortunately, the comfort of her own bed didn't stop the nightmares and when Quinn woke up gasping for breath, it wasn't Sam who came to her aid, but Mrs. Evans. Just like her son, she knew exactly what to do and took Quinn into her arms, whispering comforting words into the sobbing girl's ear. Sam had told her all about the nightmares Quinn had been having since the accident, so it was no surprise to her, though it did scare Stacie a little, who watched from her own bed across the room, unsure what to do.

"I'm sorry," Quinn apologized though a hiccup. This wasn't how she wanted her first night home to go. Not after she had had such a good time up until she went to bed.

"You don't have to apologize, sweetheart," Mrs. Evans assured her. There was one thing Mrs. Evans knew would shock Quinn out of crying. "I saw her at the other day." Quinn didn't need to ask to whom Mrs. Evans was referring to because for Quinn there was only one _her_ ; Rachel Berry. The last she had heard Rachel was living in New York, following her Broadway dreams. Hearing that she was back in Lima shocked Quinn to her core and halted her tears, just like Mrs. Evans predicted.

A new wave of anxiety washed over Quinn. Lima was a small town and she would be there the whole summer, so it was more than likely that she would run into Rachel eventually. Unless she stayed in her room the entire summer. Yeah, that idea was starting to sound pretty good right about now. But Quinn couldn't lie, not even to herself, as much as she tried, there was a part of her that really wanted to see Rachel. She had seen how Rachel had changed during their year apart, on Facebook and Instagram but to see her beauty in person felt overwhelming, in a good or bad way Quinn wasn't sure.

"How was she?" Quinn asked hesitantly, moving out of the loving embrace of the woman she wished could have been her mother for real.

"She seemed well," Mrs. Evans answered. A small smile graced Quinn's lips at the answer. Rachel was well. That was good. It had to be good. "Do you think you can go back to sleep now?" Quinn nodded and laid back down.

Mrs. Evans gave both girls kisses on their foreheads and got them settled back into bed, before leaving the room.

Sleep didn't come as quick as Quinn would have wished, the thought of potentially running into Rachel swirling around in her head. What would she say? What would Rachel say? After the accident, Quinn had practically run away the second she was able to and didn't look back. But now she _was_ back. They both were. When Sleep finally overtook her, Rachel was once again the last thing on her mind.

\---

Quinn woke the next morning to the smells of fresh coffee being brewed and bacon sizzling. She had been spared more nightmares but she had still tossed and turned most of the night. She thought about laying back down to attempt a few more hours but decided to combat her tiredness with coffee, _lots and lots_ of coffee.

Everyone was already downstairs and seated around the kitchen table by the time she had showered and gotten dressed.

"Morning everyone," she greeted, entering the kitchen. She quickly hugged Mrs. Evans, who was busy making them an assortment of breakfast items, before she grabbed her favourite mug from the cabient and poured herself some coffee. The first sip was scalding but she downed it like a champ. The sudden rush of caffeine caused a shutter to run through her body and she instantly felt more awake.

"Sleep okay?" Mr. Evans asked as she took her usual seat at the table.

"Kind of," Quinn replied after another sip of coffee.

She took a moment to take in the sight before her; Mr. Evans sitting at the head of the table, paper sprawled out in front of him, Stevie and Stacie sitting across from her to Mr. Evans' left and her and Sam seated next to each other to his right. Soon Mrs. Evans would join them once done with making breakfast. They were an ordinary family, doing ordinary family things. It was almost easy to pretend that the last year hadn't happened. That it had always been this typical, this mundane.

"What are you kids doing today?" Mrs. Evans inquired, the question directed at Sam and Quinn, as she came over to the table. She began pilling scrambled eggs onto Quinn's plate, them Sam's before making rounds to the rest.

"I'unno," Sam mumbled around his first bite food.

"I thought about going out," Quinn answered hesitantly. Five sets of eyes immediately snapped their attention to her at the answer. She avoided each one by focusing her own gaze down at her plate. She didn't need to meet their gazes, she already could feel the varying degrees of worry within them.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Sam asked once he'd swallowed his food.

"No, I'll be okay," Quinn assured, meeting his eyes. She could see the worry and doubt shinning in them and reached out to touch his free hand, the one not holding his fork, to further her attempt to assure that she could do it on her own.

"Where do you plan to go?" Mr. Evans asked. Quinn just shrugged her reply, not entirely sure of that answer. Mr. Evans looked over at his wife briefly, words passing between them without actually needed to be vocalized. They were both just as concerned as their son, but also understood that eventually Quinn needed to figure things out for herself, without either of them or Sam. When the time came, they would all be there for her but Quinn had been running from the accident the second she could. It was about time she faced what happened.

"I think that's a good idea," Mrs. Evans voiced her opinion as she returned to the drive to get the rest of the food to dish out.

Soon pancakes and bacon graced the remaining portion of each plate. Quinn studied her food as if it held all the answers to her unanswerable questions. Was it really a good idea to get out of the house? Especially with the knowledge that Rachel Berry was also in town. It probably wasn't, Quinn decided but she had no idea what else to do so going out into the small world of Lima would have to suffice. If she ran into Rachel... well, then she ran into Rachel. Simple. Right?

Quinn gulped, forcing down the lump in her throat before she forced down her breakfast.

\---

Quinn pulled into an empty (one of MANY) parking spots in William McKinley High School's Student Parking Lot. The fact that it was the furthest spot out, despite the fact that there were dozens closer to the school, she refused to acknowledge. Because if she did, that would mean admitting to herself that she was avoiding one _certain_ spot near a tree that had been _the spot_ ; her and _Rachel's_ spot, the one Quinn would pick her up in when she was taking her home after school. No, she justified in her head, she really needed the exercise. Walk to burn off calories from breakfast this morning (though in all actuality, she had hardly made a dent in her breakfast before taking off with Mrs. Evan's car.).  
When she turned the key and the engine shut off, without the quiet hum of the car the empty parking lot was filled with a suffocating silence and Quinn forced herself to occupy her attention by darting her eyes around the parking lot and back fields of the school. Oh look, the dumpsters that Kurt used to get dumped into. The thought filled her with rage and regret now, having come to love Kurt though Glee Club; if only she hadn't been such a _cunt_ those first few years of high school. There went the track that Coach Sylvester had made them run _hours_ on. In fact, if she wasn't mistaken, as he wandering eyes surveyed the parking lot, that was quiet possibly the Coach's car off in the near distance, despite the fact that it was a Saturday. It wouldn't surprise her.

"Okay," Quinn said to herself. "You can do this." But she made no move to reach out for the car's door handle and open it. Her grip was iron tight around the steering wheel, afraid to let go. The leather growing hot and sweaty under her palm, the pain in her knuckles as they turned sheet white, anchored her. Not only from opening the door but _also_ from turning the key, restarting the engine and burning rubber back to her tiny apartment in New Haven. Damn this school, Lima! Hell, even Sam! And _Rachel!_ If Quinn turned that key now, she would never look back again.

Half another later her grip finally loosened, though only because her hands had gone numb nearly ten minutes prior and she had to let go. Though to her credit she had stubbornly held on the rest of the time.

After shaking some feeling back into her hand, Quinn retrieved her phone resting on the passenger's seat and pocketed it, before she opened the car door. There was still some hesitation as she stepped one foot out, and then the other, but she did it. Soon she found herself walking towards the back entrance to the school, the one that janitors always forgot to lock (which allowed the Glee Club constant access into the auditorium.).

Treading lightly through the halls as she traveled her usual path to her destinations. She felt as if she might wake the dead in the hollow hallways.

When she finally stepped into the auditorium a wave of nostalgia hit her that was almost overwhelming. She could hear the roars of the crowds cheering for them and all the other Glee Clubs that had sung in the sanctity of this room, on that stage her body knew better than anything else. Hours of practices, of performances, of hanging out with friends. Those times, those years, had been the _greatest_ of her entire life, despite all the ups and downs and hardships she had faced during them.

Quinn now walked confidentially to the stage, up the steps and onto the glistening black stage that beamed under the bright lights shining down. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and on reflex had it unlocked and the YouTube app open. Swift fingers dances along keys, their clicks almost echoing, as she searched for a specific video. She soon found it and walked over to the piano, setting the phone down once she had checked the volume was loud enough and pressed play. Soon Quinn's voice singing Kelly Clarkson's "Dark Side" took up the empty space of the stage, followed by the instrumental version of the song blaring from the phone's speaker

 _Uh-ooh_  
_Uh-oh oh, oh,_  
_There's a place that I know_  
_It's not pretty there and few have ever gone_  
_If I show it to you now_  
_Will it make you run away_  
_Will you stay_  
_Even if it hurts_  
_Even if I try to push you out_  
_Will you return?_  
_And remind me who I really am_  
_Please remind me who I really am_

**Everybody's got a dark side**

Quinn turned so fast to Stage Right her hair whipped around her face. She quickly brushed her hair back, holding in place so her eyes would remain clear and watched Rachel ( _fucking_ ) Berry walk out onto the stage, singing the next line of the song and Quinn felt her heart stop beating.

Brown, expecting eyes, and the smile on those pretty pink painted lips helped Quinn to find her voice again and continue singing.

_Do you love me?_

Rachel joined with the rest of the chorus.

 __ **Can you love mine?  
** **Nobody's a picture perfect  
But we're worth it  
You know that we're worth it**

_Will you love me?  
Even with my dark side?_

**Like a diamond  
From black dust  
It's hard to know  
What can become  
If you give up  
So don't give up on me**

_Please remind me who I really am, yeah!_

_**Everybody's got a dark side** _  
_**Do you love me?** _  
_**Can you love mine?** _  
_**Nobody's a picture perfect** _  
_**But we're worth it** _  
_**You know that we're worth it** _  
_**Will you love me?** _  
_**Even with my dark side?** _

As Rachel took the last part of the song, she gently skipped over to Quinn, who remained rooted at the spot.

**Don't run away  
Don't run away  
Just tell me that you will stay  
Promise me you will stay  
Don't run away  
Don't run away**

"Hi," Rachel spoke once she was done.

"Hi," Quinn repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quinn sings italics. Rachel sings bold. If it's both they're singing together.


	3. Duets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn and Rachel. Together. What's next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE REREAD CHAPTER 2! I combined this and the previous chapter (TWO) together.

"I didn't think I would get to see you this soon. After all, you just got back into town yesterda," Rachel said. Her voice was like nothing else Quinn had heard in the last year and... Hold up. How did Rachel know she had just gotten to town? "Mrs. Evans talked to my Dad about it a few weeks ago. Told him what day you and Sam were coming back." Rachel added. She had been able to read the questions in Quinn's eyes. "It was in case I wanted to see Sam," she added, which had been the reasoning behind Mrs. Evans calling, to quote her father.

"That's-" Quinn coughed, "-cool. He's at the house."

"I should stop by to see him one day while we're both in town," Rachel said.

"He would like that," Quinn said with a casual tone, breezing past the idea of Rachel coming over. Of course she wasn't going admit that she would like that too. When Rachel frowned slightly, Quinn quickly backtracked. "It'd be nice to see you at the house."

"How have you been?"

And there it was. That dreaded question.

"Good," Quinn lied. "How are you? I heard you're on Broadway now, is that right?" Obviously Quinn knew that was a fact, but had to feign ignorance for appearance sake. Not let on the fact that she kept up with Rachel's goings on through Social Media.

"I am. You follow my official pages," Rachel said, to which Quinn thought 'oh shit'. The second _OfficialRachelBerry_ went live on Instagram and Facebook, Quinn was following. She had hoped that Rachel hadn't noticed. She figured that with all of their friends, and families, in the rush to add/follower Rachel, she'd get lost in the hustle and bustle. Of course Rachel knew.

"Oh, yeah," Quinn said lamely with a shrug of her shoulders. She was about to follow it up, with something as equally lame, but found strong, tanner arms wrapped tightly around her neck and felt the entirety of Rachel Berry's body pressed flush against her. Quinn could feel the curve and tone of Rachel's figure, draped in a baby blue sun dress, through the flimsy material of her own tank-top and also the parts of Rachel's bare legs that touched hers though the gaps in the shreds in her ripped jeans. She was warm against her and Quinn wanted to experience more of that warmth that she attributed to the brightness that radiated off the star Rachel was. And Rachel was on her tip toes, doing her best to make herself closer in height to Quinn's taller form.

There was no hesitation in Quinn's actions. She wrapped herself arms around Rachel's waist, holding her closer. She held her with almost the same hold that she had gripped the steering wheel earlier. She wanted to anchor herself to Rachel on an instinctual level. The second Quinn realized what she had done, she let go and took a step back.

Rachel had thought about keeping Quinn in an firm grip but ultimately let go, not wanting to overwhelm the blonde in front of her. It was good. SO good to see Quinn again after all this time. In the very beginning Rachel had reached out to Quinn shortly after her friend had moved away to New Haven but Quinn had ignored her advances at communication. When Sam moved to join her less than a month later, she tried to use him as a way to get a touch of Quinn. At first Sam agreed and had actually passed along her messages to text, call or IM her. Eventually, Rachel just settled for general, basic updates from him. It was always some form of him letting her know that Quinn was doing well. There were a few moments when Sam had hesitated, never more than millisecond as his breathing hitched before answered with Quinn was doing fine. At first Rachel didn't hear it, but after a while her ears honed in on it. It was that intake, that inhale, that gave away the fact that there was a difference between "well" and "fine". Rachel didn't like "fine" as much as she liked hearing Quinn was "well"." Well" was...well, better. At least in her opinion. And she was seldom wrong.

And it was true that Rachel really hadn't expected to see Quinn so soon after her arrival. When her Dad had told her what Mrs. Evans said, she grinned ear from ear so long her face started to ache, but she still continued to smile. Once that information was in had, Rachel began to plan to arrive in Lima a week earlier than Quinn. She went through Hell and back to drive home with her producers that she needed to return to Lima for the one year anniversary of the accident and make sure that she had time to process and pay respects with her family and the families of everyone from the crash. It took a lot of time but eventually she got what she wanted and was granted three weeks in Lima. The first was what she had used to get there early. She needed time to prepare. Figure out how she would approach Quinn when their paths did eventually cross.

However that plan (and those follow up plans and the back ups for those) went out the window running into Quinn here, on the stage.

It was fate, Rachel decided. It was meant to happen that Quinn would happen to show up at the same time as Rachel had come to the school. She had been there for almost forty-five minutes there, singing her heart out before Quinn showed up to do the same.

"So you came to sing too?" Quinn asked, though there was an air of knowing behind it. That made Rachel smile as she nodded.

"Guess nothing changes," she chuckled sweetly, turning her attention to stare out at the vacated audience seating. Like Quinn she remembered the feeling of performing every time for a crowd in this room. It warmed her soul.

"Yeah," Quinn agreed with a quick laugh, mirroring Rachel's movements to turn her gaze to the barren maroon chairs that laid beyond their sight. It also kept Rachel out of sight. Except for the times that she'd give a momentary glance out of her peripheral vision to the brunette standing next to her.

If only one of them moved just an inch toward the other, their arms would be touching. But neither took that step. Though _both_ thought about it. And neither of them said anything. They just stood in each others presence, in a place that would reinforce their passion for their dreams and hopes. The place that would forever be remembered for its helped growing every girl and boy who would have the pleasure and privilege to sing and dance along it, into the young women and men they would be and ultimately, the adults they would end life with.

It was Quinn who broke the silence first.

"Look," she began, turning to Rachel, who followed suit. "I have Mrs. Evans' car and she said she needed it back really soon cause she needs to go grocery shopping." It was a lie but she said a silent prayer that Rachel would believe it.

"Of course. Say hi to everyone for me." Rachel didn't, but she still nodded with a bright smile, ever the actress she was. She gave the blonde a quick hug, before she watched her go.

When Quinn was finally out of sight, and Rachel could hear the faint echo of doors closing halls away, and it was deathly silent, did she move. She exited the auditorium and walked to the Choir Room, knowing Mr. Shue always left it open to those in need during a time when school wasn't in session. For anyone in Glee or for anyone who _needed_ Glee Club, that room would forever be there at their disposal ass long as Mr. Shue and the rest of them had their way. She opened the door and slipped inside, leaving it cracked open, a silent invitation that would go unnoticed, and to her seat.

Rachel looked over at where Quinn had sat, both in the front and in the back row. She liked when Quinn was upfront because those were the times when she was happy and enjoying her youth. Quinn moved to the back after she had come out to Rachel and the rest of Glee. Quinn's parents had told their congregation, where parents of some of the kids from McKinley High were members of, that their daughter was "sick" and begged for their prayers to change her back. Word got around, and Quinn had no choice but to come out. When that happened, Rachel was the first out of her seat, offering comfort to the blonde who had once been her tormentor, later evolving into one of her life long friends no matter what happened, At least that's how Rachel viewed their relationship by then.

Quinn chose for a few months to keep her distance, hence moving to the back row, from Rachel, afraid that her feelings would eventually be forced out as well. Rachel had no idea of course, and assumed that it was just because of her "outing". Sam was only the person to know her real reasoning behind her actions.

Rachel was sad when Quinn was in back. Then extremely proud of her when she finally accepted who she was and came back to front.

Rachel was also sad that Quinn had left Lima the minute she could. She had thought, _hoped_ , that Quinn would use that same strength tho move on from the accident. It had been a horrible horrible thing, but everyone had found their own way and deal with it. For Rachel, it was through Glee Club and using music to come to terms with her grief. Then New York and Broadway to further that, and offer a distraction for those days when that same grief would sneak up on her like a rogue wave, swallowing her whole from the inside out.

Heaving a hefty sigh Rachel stood to her feet and left the room. As she walked through the halls to the front of the school where she had parked her car, the fact that she had just not only laid eyes on but also _sung with_ Quinn had her mind reeling.

\---

Rachel was home in what seemed like the blink of an eye. She hardly remembered the drive home and didn't realize she was until she was fully parked in the drive-way. It was all automatic, reflexes.

Once she was through the threshold of her home, she was thankful that her parents were out to their bi-weekly outing with a few friends. It meant that she had the house to herself and she traveled undisturbed up to her bedroom. She opened the door and flipped the light on next it to while entering the room, closing the door behind her. Throwing her phone down onto her bed she moved to her closet and picked out her favourite sweat pants and "Wicked" tee-shirt before going into her in suite bathroom to change. Once more comfortable, she picked up her phone as she climbed up onto her bed, sitting Indian style, posture perfect.

She unlocked her phone and opened her photo gallery and tapped her index finger on the folder labeled "Glee Club".

Up popped small icons of the nearly 300 pictures and videos. She scrolled through, opening one, left swiping to the next. Clicking back out to the menu to scroll down further to click on different pictures. Each one was filled with the smiling faces of her friends from Glee.

There went pictures from Mike and Tina's duet of "Sing". Selfies of her with Kurt and Blaine. Photo by photo passed, her eyes drinking in each one needing to memorize it for the rest of her life. Her eyes danced along them, putting herself back into the feeling she'd felt taking each photo. Artie and her making goofy faces. Lunch room pictures. Ones in the quad, the gym, on bleachers and the stage. Sectionals, Nationals. Graduation.

Though with each picture she made sure to avoid opening the ones that had one person in common. the few times she had in the past she'd cried the second that face enlarged on her phone. She didn't want to cry. Not after signing with Quinn. She wanted to revel in that moment. In there close proximity. Of their voices blending so perfectly together, seemingly made for one another.

Eventually she needed to break away from the gallery and opened up YouTube instead to put on some music and relax.


	4. Colors and Promises How To Be Brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn revels in seeing Rachel

Quinn tore like a bat out of Hell out of the parking lot and onto the street. She was going the opposite direction, heading further away from home with each minute. she had no intention to go back now. She knew the second she stepped through that door Sam would bombard her with questions of how she had been. What had happened. She loved him, but she knew the second she saw him she would break about seeing Rachel and wanted to be selfish. She wanted to keep that news to herself, for as long as she could. She wanted to pretend that it had been just her and Rachel as it had been back in high school and Glee Club. Singing, talking. Hugging. Touching. Oh God, she'd gotten to touch Rachel. To hold her in her arms. She held the woman who haunted her every dream.

She took a sharp right, into the parking lot of the town park and cut off the engine, turning the key so that the radio would be left on and hooked up her phone's music section to play songs. Song after song played until she began to eye the iPhone sitting on her thigh suspiciously. She felt as if it was growing warmer and warmer on her denim glad thigh but knew on a logical level that it was just the implications of using the phone for something else that she felt burning within her. Rachel's phone number was still in there, despite the fact that she could count the number of times she had reached out to the brunette over the last year on one hand. Despite how often Rachel had begun to reach out and then to Sam to pass along messages, she ignored them best she could only offering an excuse when she needed the shorter girl to leave her alone for a bit. She felt terrible each time.

Then came times like this. She would think about reaching out to Rachel. To call her and let her dam burst, confessing everything she had felt the last two years. She wanted to declare her love to Rachel, let the world know that the girl who had been destined for stardom even before birth had been the light of her life, even now. Quinn had a theory that Rachel actually was made out of a real star. That God had molded that star into Rachel Berry and that's what made her so unique. She'd felt this the moment she turned eyes on Rachel and it scared her something fierce because that star, that supernova began to ignite feelings within her that she wasn't mature enough to understand what they meant or even how to begin acknowledging them. That's why she treated Rachel like shit for the first two yeas of high school and when she had first joined Glee as per Coach Sylvester's orders. Then she and Rachel had become friends after finally allowed herself to be blinded by that star.

Then one day it all clicked and she felt as if she was going to drown under the weight of her epiphany. She needed to get it out. Needed to tell someone and that only someone was Sam. He was the only one she knew she could trust because he was family. He had been that way long before his parents had taken her in after she'd attempted to come out to her own parents and was disowned. She tried to make herself believe that the love she felt for him was something else, was more romantic, when they were dating. Transfer that love she felt for Rachel onto Sam but then came the day she couldn't pretend anymore. That was the day she told Sam about being gay and in love with Rachel.

To this day she could see the heartbreak in his eyes as the news sunk in. She never doubted that he loved her unconditionally regardless, but she also knew that a part of that love would always be different from hers towards him. It was ironic and made her chuckle bitterly now in the car, because it was pretty much her story. It was how she felt towards Rachel.

Man. If the three of them weren't fucked up. Another bitter chuck escaped Quinn's lips.

When Alicia Keys' "Girl On Fire" started playing she only laughed harder. Of course her phone would decide to play the perfect song that would explain Rachel perfectly and also reflect her own feelings towards the brunette.

Quinn turned off the app and unplugged her phone from the AUX cord, before starting the engine to head home. She listened to dumb pop song after pop song on the radio as she drove. It was a good distraction from her thoughts.

When she got home she pulled into Mrs. Evan's parking spot in the driveway, gathered her belongings, thoughts and self, and exited the car locking it with the key chain button before making her way into the house. She closed the door quietly behind herself and waited a breath and squared her shoulders, steeling her nerves for a potential onslaught of questions, but they never came. Weird. She would have bet on it that Sam would have been waiting for her. Okay...

"Hello?" Quinn called out. Silence. Okay. It was official. Quin was weird-ed the fuck out.

She headed into the kitchen and the first thing her eyes zeroed in on was the huge plate of Mrs. Evans' homemade chocolate chips wrapped up in cellophane and the note folded on top of them, that was resting in the middle of the counter. She moved to the counter and picked up the note, her eyes scanning Mrs. Evans' handwriting;

_Quinn -_

_Stacie and Stevie are with friends today and Dwight and I needed to go pick up a few essentials. Sam took off. He said it was because he didn't want to be the only one alone around the house but I think it was to look for you. I made you some cookies (after he left of course) ;). There's plenty to share if you happen to find someone you'd be willing to do that with. See you at dinner. Love you._

Mrs. Evans admitting that she thought Sam was looking for her cause pang of guilt to ripple through her heart but the wink after mentioning the cookies made her laugh and take away a bit of the sting. Then the bottom dropped back out at the suggestion of sharing the cookies with someone. Quinn wasn't stupid. She knew that Mrs. Evans was imply a very specific person she should share the cookies with. The brunette that she had left nearly an hour ago.

Actually...

No. No there was no way she could.

But Rachel did always love Mrs. Evans' cookies. Even though she teased it would mean extra hours on the elliptical later.

"Stop!" Quinn ordered her thoughts out loud, squeezing her hands tightly over ears. She took a deep breath through her nose, held it for several second before letting it go through her mouth. Once that was done, she let her hands fall down to their sides. She picked up the letter that she had dropped in the process and pocketed it, before taking the plate of cookies in hand, over to the fridge where she grabbed the container of milk. With both in hand, she moved over to the kitchen table, set both down and took her seat.

Screw sharing. She'll eat all these cookies just to prove to Mrs. Evans that no, there _weren't_ enough to share. Yes. Excellent plan.

\---

No.

Not. Excellent.

Oh God.

"Oh God!" Quinn groaned. sprawled out on the couch, clutching her bloated aching stomach. She had managed to eat all two and a half dozen before she instantly regretted it, realizing it was the worst thing she had ever decided it do. It was the stupidest! Sharing cookies with Rachel Berry would have been much less painful that this agony she was in hours later.

"Sure there wasn't enough cookies to share?" Mrs. Evans asked as she came to Quinn's side, holding a coffee cup with seltzer in it. There was a knowing smirk tugging at her lips but she kept her demeanor and tone motherly. This was actually quite amusing. Quinn got what she deserved. Don't get her wrong, she absolutely loved the girl groaning on her living room sofa, but she also knew that it was time Quinn began to face her demons. She would be in Lima the whole summer and sooner or later that battle needed to happen. She knew Rachel would be a key factor into Quinn _winning_ that battle. That's why she had called Hiram Berry, explaining her plan in full and asking for his help but requesting he casually pass the message along to Rachel. He was more than enthusiastic to help. And then she planted the seed the night before by bringing up Rachel was back in town too.

This just had to work, she prayed. She feared they would all lose Quinn for good if it didn't.

Quinn took the offered cup with another groan. Bringing it to her lips, she sipped slowly at it for several minutes before daring to take a deeper drink, A minute later she let out a huge burp and looked up at Mrs. Evans with apologetic eyes at her rudeness.

Mary Evans only shook her head, laughing as she retreated into the kitchen.

"I can't believe you didn't even save me one!" Sam pouted from where he was seated in the arm chair across the room, flicking through TV channels.

Quinn let her head lull to the side to study him. He came home nearly an hour after the rest of his family had returned but gave nothing away about his outing. When asked where he'd been, all he replied with was 'out' and then plopped himself down into the chair and flicked on the TV. She wanted to desperately to return the comfort that he had given her by pressing the issue, by making him talk to her but she didn't. She liked seeing this relaxed version of him as he continued press buttons on the remote in an attempt to find something to hold his attention.

Quinn soon found her mind drifting back to those first _terrible_ few months after the accident. The physical and emotional pain they all felt was agonizing. Quinn's body felt every ache today that it had the year prior, like an echo. She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill each time she thought of that period in her life. When she finally opened them, she found Sam's green eyes through the tears swimming behind her hazel one's. There it was. That sad, worried look. Quinn wasn't sure if it was her binge eating the cookies that made her stomach flip-flop on itself in that second or if it was seeing _those_ eyes again from Sam. She chocked it up to the cookies because it was easier to lie to herself than acknowledge that she was the reason behind that gaze. She was eternally grateful for his love and support be hated to be the reason why he looked at her like that.

Thankfully Mrs. Evans saved them both by offering a distraction.

"So what do you kids want for dinner?" she asked, returning to the living room.

Quinn groaned in reply, clutching her stomach again as she somehow managed to sit up right on the couch.

"I'm just going to go lay down, I'm not very hungry," she answered.

"I wonder why," Mrs. Evans said. Her tone was innocent but Quinn could see the amusement in her eyes and the smile behind them that she managed to keep at bay. It made Quinn's heart swell and annoyed her all at the same time. She should have more compassion of her _almost_ daughter writhing around in pain but Quinn had brought it upon herself by trying to prove a stupid point by being stubborn.

Quinn rolled her eyes as she got to her feet before padding out of the room and up the stairs to her room.

The second she was alone, the thoughts of having seen and sung with Rachel came flooding back and she flopped face first down into her bed, burying her head in her pillows and letting another groan pass her lips (whether it was for the pain in her still full stomach or pain from seeing Rachel, she wasn't sure.). The whole experience had been unnerving. Unsettling. _Amazing._ Hearing Rachel sing along with her, hearing the heart she put to those words. No matter what song Rachel Berry sang, she sang it with her _whole being_ like the star she was. She could still hear Rachel in her head, finishing the song off; _don't run away._ Was she actually asking Quinn not to run again or was she just playing the part, singing along. Trying to figure out which it was was giving Quinn a headache and making her heart ache just as much so she forced the thoughts away. She wasn't ready to know the answer to that question yet because whatever answer she got )not that she would ever attempt to actually get one) would wreck her. If Rachel was only playing a part and those words held no special meaning behind them, it would rip Quinn apart. If Rachel was singing those words with intent, it would _still_ rip Quinn apart.

With another groan, Quinn maneuvered herself onto her back and stared blankly up at her ceiling.

Rachel Berry would forever be a puzzle to her. The part of her that was in love with Rachel wanted to spend the rest of her life fitting piece after piece together. Getting edges put together, then working her way through the middle. Waiting patiently for the picture to start coming together before her eyes. But the fear of the unknown, the fear of quite possibly not being able to fit anywhere within Rachel's puzzle kept Quinn from attempting to do so. It would hurt more knowing that there was no place for her in the rising star's life more so than it hurt to just go on without knowing. And without knowing hurt _a lot_.


	5. A Sharp Knife and A Short Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day of the anniversary.

The air felt thick and heavy against Quinn's skin the second she woke up that morning. She was swimming through tension. The day was finally here.

No one in the house brought it up at breakfast. Mrs. and Mrs. Evans kept up the ruse that it was just another typical day, continuing their daily morning activities. Sam and Quinn shared a knowing look once they were both seated at the table, however. His were sad but she could see the worry for her shining through as well. Hers were sad and apologetic and she soon broke eye contact to play make-believe along with the rest of the family.

\---

Blocks away Rachel Berry stood at the foot of her bed, studying carefully the three outfits laid across it. Her eyes roamed over every inch of each dress, taking in every seam and stitch. Finally they settled on the one in the middle; the red one. Red had been the colour that made up New Direction's first costume set, the very first time they really sang as a group, when they did "Don't Stop Believing". It was more form fitting than her other selections but was in no way disrespectful to wear to the gathering later that night. It was grown up.

 _Grown up_.

Those two words played on and endless loop as Rachel picked up the discarded choices to return them to her closet. She had changed a lot in the last year. The accident had propelled them all into the scary land of the unknown. Into the land of _death._ The reminder that life was short and you had to live while you had the chance, or you'd lose that forever in the blink of an eye.

By design Rachel Berry did not lose. Everything she had been though in her short life had taught her lesson after lesson. All the torment she had experienced during her formative years only strengthened her resolve, further cemented who she was. Sure there were moments where it would be too much and she'd have no choice but to break, but she always found some way to pull herself back together and press on. The accident hadn't taken that away from her. At least not for long. Now here she was, hours from the memorial.

Each passing minute felt like a life time, but she pressed on. She _had_ to.

\---

The day past by faster than either girl liked and they soon found themselves standing on the beach that a year ago had been their destination before the crash. The survivors of the accident all stood next to the towering pile of wood that would make up the memorial bonfire. Behind them couldn't have been a more beautiful backdrop; waves lolling up onto the sand before retreating. The sun setting in the horizon. Mr. Schue stood with them and once everyone in the crowd had settled, they began.

"A year ago today Lima was rocked to its core by an accident that resulted in the loss of life gone too soon. Tonight we're here to remember that life is short, to pay homage to what was lost and also to honour the survivors of the accident. We're here to celebrate all those lives," Mr. Schue began his well rehearsed speech. The crowd started clapping when he took a moment to gather himself, tears threatening to spill.

Quinn shifted nervously and glanced towards her left down the line at Rachel, standing as far from Quinn as possible, even though Quinn really wanted to be standing next to her. Sam was standing to her right, holding her hand. She had asked him to, saying it was for her but secretly she knew that he would need an anchor tonight as well, so she would happily ground him the way she had been held together by him.

"Before we light the fire, Santana Lopez has a song to sing. Everyone clapped again and Santana moved from her place in line and over to Mr. Schue. They hugged before he took a step back, giving her the spotlight.

"I know normally I'd have some bitchy, witty comment to say to start this off but I don't. So instead I'm just going to sing." No one said anything as she started singing "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry.

When Santana started breaking down through the song, Quinn let go of Sam's hand and moved to join Santana. The Latina was grateful for the pale hand that hers was taken into and found the resolve she needed to get through the rest of the song.

Quinn glanced over her shoulder back at Rachel and frowned. She was crying. It made tears well within her own eyes, though truthfully those tears had been there all day, she had just managed to keep them at bay. Seeing Rachel crying freely made her want to cry too but she didn't allow herself. If she was going to break, it was going to be at home in private. Right now she needed to be strong for her friends. They needed her to. _She_ needed her to be.

When the song ended, Santana pulled herself away from Quinn and moved over to the picture display for the deceased and her eyes drank in every inch of the photo. Long blonde hair lung loosely around shoulders. The smile on the face was contagious and the innocence in which they viewed the world shone brightly through blue eyes. Santana remembered spending hours clutching hands into that hair, kissing those lips, losing herself in those pools. Brittany S. Peirce would forever be the single greatest love of her life and the _only_ love of her life. And now she was gone.

"Thank you, Santana," Mr. Schue said, directing the flow of the memorial back on track to give Santana a break. "Rachel Berry is our second speaker. Rachel?" He held out a hand towards his pupil who had grown and changed so much in the time he had the privilege to know her.

Quinn and Santana took their previous places and Quinn watched as Rachel took in a deep breath and steeled herself, forcing herself to stop crying as she took center stage, where she always belonged.

"Hi I'm Rachel Berry and I'll be singing "A Thousand Miles" by Cristina Perry," she said, having rehearsed the introduction over and over again for weeks to drill it into her heard so she wouldn't immediately break down and sob. And then came the voice Quinn wanted to hear again. The voice of an angel.

Quinn felt the emotion behind every word Rachel belted out beat across her skin and send a pang of guilt stabbing through her heart. She looked over at Santana who was staring off into space, a blank expression on her face. She couldn't help but wonder how she would feel if she had been in Santana's place. If Rachel had died. It would rip her every fiber apart. Hell, Rachel _hadn't_ died and she _still_ felt like she was being ripped apart.

When Rachel was done, the crowd erupted in applause. She allowed herself to be engulfed by it. The feeling of performing in front of an audience, even now though it was a somber moment, filled her with a feeling she would never tire of. No matter how many performances she had given or would give in her life, this sound, this feeling would always take her breath away and leave her awestruck.

"I love you Finn," Rachel finished, looking over at his photo next to Brittany's.

Quinn felt like ice shot through her veins and avoided looking at Rachel once that name was uttered. Even the bonfire being lit couldn't warm her up.

\---

After the memorial the reaming members of New Directions gathered at Puck's house to lose themselves in the haze of upbeat music and booze.

Quinn was chatting idly with Mercedes off in one corner. Every so often her gaze would drift over to the lithe brunette across the room who was in the midst of her own conversation with Kurt and Blaine. Once or twice brown eyes would look over and meet hers. Every time they did, Quinn dropped hers down to the red solo cup clutched tightly in her hand. She could see the questions burning behind them. She could see the sadness within them. She didn't want to see either, so she kept her eyes downcast or on Mercedes or on _anything_ she could to avoid looking back at Rachel and into those eyes.

Yes. She could do this. She could. She- _oh shit._ Quinn sucked in a breath as Rachel appeared next to her.

"Hey Mercedes," she greeted first before turning to look up at Quinn, who still avoided looking directly at her. "Hi Quinn."

"Hi," Quinn mumbled before bringing her cup to her lips to take a hefty drink of the beer she had been nursing most of the night. Anything to keep her mouth busy. Anything to keep her words inside.

When Mercedes chose to leave her and Rachel to talk, she almost wanted to grab the girl and keep her there. She would offer as a distraction. A reason for her and Rachel not to talk. But no, Mercedes abandoned her. Leaving her to the whim of the brunette that took her place to stand in front of Quinn.

"The memorial was beautiful," Rachel said, a small sad smile gracing her lips. It truly had been. That only seemed to make the whole thing more painful.

Quinn could feel that pain rolling off of Rachel like the same waves that had rolled up onto the beach they'd been standing together on only a few hours before. She wanted to reach out to Rachel. Take her hand in hers and offer her comfort and assurance that it was okay to be sad but she didn't. Instead she let her pale long fingers wrap tighter around her glass. She held onto the plastic cup with both hands for dear life, afraid of what they would do of their own accord if they weren't otherwise occupied and kept her eyes downcast into the bitter liquid within.

"Mmm," she hummed in agreement, for lack of anything better to say.

"Quinn..." The hesitation with which Rachel said her name made her finally look up from her drink and into those eyes she had been trying to avoid. There were so many unanswered questions moving behind them as their stares stayed locked on each others.

Quinn wondered what Rachel wanted to ask. What she wanted to talk about. She wondered if she could answer whatever Rachel asked her. If she could just talk to her like a normal human. She wished that they were back in high school. Back before any of this happened. Back to a time when she could just _talk_ to Rachel. They had always been able to talk once they had finally settled into being friends. Once Quinn had let go of her Head Bitch in Charge persona. When she had finally come to terms with her sexuality and her feelings for Rachel. Even those feelings couldn't keep her from talking to Rachel but now... She felt like a stranger compared to a year ago. She had no idea who she was now. Who any of them were now. How could she settle back into that?

 _"Quinn_ _,"_ Rachel repeated, drawing the blonde from her thoughts.

"Rachel," Quinn spoke, voice soft. That was a start. She could build on that start, follow it with something else but nothing else came.

They stared at each other and the sounds of the party and their friends; who were handling their grief by playing drinking games, conversing and dancing to the music playing in the background, faded around them. Quinn felt as if it was only her and Rachel in the room, just like it had been only them on stage in the auditorium just days ago. Had it only been days? It felt like a lifetime ago, Quinn mused silently. Then again, everyday felt like a lifetime. Especially in the presence of Rachel.

"How have you been?" Rachel finally asked. She had asked Quinn the same question their last time together but this time she wasn't settling for "good" or "fine" or any other dismissive verb. She wanted to know, _really know_ how Quinn had been. She _needed_ to know. She needed to hear it from the girl in question, not second handed through Sam or Mrs. Evans or though her father who heard it from Mrs. Evans who heard it from Sam. Quinn opened her mouth, lie ready on the tip of her tongue but shut it. Rachel arched a questioning eyebrow, almost taunting her to lie.

"Honestly?" Quinn asked. Rachel nodded, smiling up at her. God that smile. She could do this. She could talk to Rachel. Honestly. "Things...things have been rough."

"That's an understatement," Rachel replied and it was Quinn's turn to nod. It really was. "How's Yale?"

"Good," Quinn answered and this time she wasn't using that word in a lie. School had gotten off to a rocky start but she was able to pull herself together and get through each class. Her grades her steady A's and B's. She had friends, study partners. She had a life back in New Haven and it was something she could talk about. "School is going really well. Finished the semester off with good marks. Made a few new friends."

"That's good," Rachel beamed. She was genuinely happy to finally hear things from Quinn first hand. "That's really good."

"How's Broadway?" Quinn asked.

"Broadway is going well too."

"I'm surprised you managed to make it back to Lima, with your busy schedule and all."

"I'm only in town a few weeks before I have to return to New York."

"Oh," Quinn said, sadness seeping into her voice. She cleared her throat and returned her eyes downcast to her drink, which she was still clutching onto like a life line. Of course someone as busy as Rachel would only have moments of her time to spare. At least she made it back for the memorial. At least she was back long enough for them to be here, talking. Quinn brought her gaze back to Rachel, deciding that if she was only going to have a short time with the brunette she would make the most of it because it was better than nothing and nothing was exactly what she had had the last year (by her own doing).

Unfortunately she chose to look up at the exact moment Rachel's tongue dripped out from between her lips to lick at her bottom one before she bit down onto it, sucking it into her mouth. Quinn's eyes locked onto those lips, trapped in between the perfect white pearls of Rachel's teeth. She wondered what it would feel like biting into that lip? What it would feel like to kiss those lips. Would they be as soft as they looked?

God help her, Quinn felt like she was drowning.

Rachel was not faring any better, catching Quinn staring at her mouth. It hadn't been the first time she caught the blonde doing it. There had been times in the past when Rachel stood in front of the rest of her friends while in the choir room singing her heart out, that she caught Quinn watching her mouth with every word she sung. In the past Rachel had been confused about what it meant and more importantly what she _felt_ each time she caught Quinn staring. When Quinn would eventually advert her gaze, she would turn her own eyes towards Finn...

Finn.

Just thinking about him caused a ripple of grief to wash over Rachel.

Before Quinn knew what she was doing, her drink was discarded to the nearest surface and she was taking Rachel into her arms, wrapping her own tightly around the shorter girl's waist. Just like the last time they held each other, Rachel's arms snaked around Quinn's neck but this time she rested her head against the blonde's bare shoulder. Feeling the heat of Rachel's cheek against her skin made Quinn wish that she hadn't opted to wear the black tank top she had chosen but there was nothing she could do now to change that, so she allowed herself to revel in that feeling because it would soon be gone. Rachel would head back to New York. She would head back to New Haven. They would head back to there separate lives. There was one thing Quinn knew she needed to say before that happened. Before Rachel Berry walked out of her life again. Mustering up every ounce of courage she had before daring to place a gentle kiss on top of the Rachel's head and said the words that she could never say enough in her life to the girl in her hold;

"I'm sorry," she whispered into those brown locks.

"Sorry for what?" Rachel asked, arms still locked behind Quinn's neck.

"Everything," Quinn answered, voice still barely above a whisper but Rachel still heard her and hugged her harder.

When the hug finally ended, Rachel looked up at Quinn with a smile and Quinn felt a smile tug at her own lips as well, but didn't let it fully manifest. She had apologized but she still felt like a chicken for not saying what exactly she wanted to. Words wanted to pour out of her. She wanted to apologize for the accident, for choosing do go that way to the beach and not another. She wanted to apologize for _Finn_. And also, a part of her wanted to apologize for being in love with Rachel, as weird as that might seem. But none of those words came.

"You've got nothing to apologize for," Rachel assured her, taking one of Quinn's hands in her own. Quinn's palm was clammy and sweaty against her own. She was nervous. Why was she nervous? About apologizing? Rachel cocked her head slightly to the side and studied the blonde before her momentarily before deciding that there was more to this than met the eye. But what? And why did she miss that hand when Quinn quickly pulled hers back and pick up her previously discarded cup?

"I sure feel like I do," Quinn mumbled, eyes returning to study the contents of her cup. She began to count each bubble that clung to the white inside to keep her mind off Rachel. Off their hug. Off their holding hands. If she thought too much into it her head would surly explode. Or her heart. Or her whole body. Either way, she couldn't let that happened and distracted herself, completely missing the frown that graced Rachel's perfect red lips.

"You don't," Rachel assured her again, trying to recapture her gaze but Quinn held on strong. Why wouldn't she look at her? "Why won't you look at me?"

That question stilled Quinn to her core. How could she answer her? She could lie. But would Rachel know that she was lying? She probably would. Quinn could confess... _No._ That was absolutely off the table. There was no way that she could open her mouth and say 'Gee Rachel, I can't look at you right now because you've been the love of my life for the last two years and I'm really, really gay for you.'. There was no chance in Hell she would ever say that.

Quinn opened her mouth, words threatening to tumble out of her but before she could offer any sort of lie (or the truth), Sam came to her rescue, sidling up next to her.

"Hey Rachel," he greeted with a chipper smile, shoulder touching Quinn's to let her know that he was there. He had been watching the whole ordeal while sitting on the couch, chatting with Tina, Mike and Puck. He could see when Quinn started floundering and knew she needed him. Or maybe it was _he_ who needed _her_ because seeing her and Rachel hug, hold hands, caused something ugly to stir within him. He knew it was jealously but would never voice it, not even to himself or ever dare show it. He knew where he and Quinn stood; they were just friends, they were _family,_ and even though he wanted more, just like Quinn wanted more with Rachel, he would never get it. Nor would he ever push the subject.

Quinn smiled inwardly. Ever her hero coming to her rescue. It made her heart swell knowing that she would always have a friend like that.

"Hi Sam," Rachel returned, her attention now on him. As she chatted idly about this and that with him, her eyes every now and then danced to Quinn, who kept her attention else where. There was no doubt that Rachel loved Sam, he was one of her dearest friends after all, but in that moment she wanted him out of her life. Out of _Quinn's_ life so she could continue talking to the blonde. Figure out why Quinn was apologizing. Why she would avoid her gaze. Why she had pulled her hand back when Rachel was holding it. There were just too many questions Rachel needed answers to but with Sam there, she would never dare ask Quinn.

She needed a plan. A way to get this information before she was forced to return to New York. And she had no idea _why_ she needed the answers either.

What on Earth was going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it. Brittany and Finn both died in the accident.


	6. Like a Hurt, Lost and Blinded Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down, how will everyone react?

Quinn eventually left Sam and Rachel, to mingle around the party. She took in the sights before her; her friends were laughing, happy. They were _free_. At least momentarily. There was one person missing however and Quinn soon found that person sitting out in Puck's backyard in one of the plastic chairs that decorated the yard.

Santana Lopez once had a fire about her that ignited everyone she ever came across. She had wit and sarcasm in abundance. She had the ability to tear someone down completely but also the power to build them up. Key word _had_. The girl sitting outside, eyes looking up to the Heavens wasn't the same girl that she had been before the accident (but were any of them, really?). She was a shell of her former self with Brittany gone. Quinn could still hear her wailing through the ER as doctors attended to her while simultaneously telling Santana that her love, her other half, had died. The memory made Quinn cringe. She had wanted to run to her friend, offer her comfort but her own injuries kept her from doing so. And then she ran away, leaving Santana alone to grief because she was too stupid, too chicken, too _selfish_ to stick around Lima and help her best friend deal with her tragedy like she should have had. She was back now and here they both were. Now seemed like a good of time as any and she walked over to Santana, sinking down into the empty chair next to her.

"Hey," Quinn said to get the Latina's attention. When Santana didn't respond, Quinn reached out to touch the other girl's arm. What happened next she was _not_ expecting. Santana jerked away from her as fiery dark eyes turned their attention to her. If looks really could kill, Quinn would have died right then.

"Don't touch me," Santana said, voice slurred.

"Are you drunk?" Quinn questioned, worry etched into her features, her voice and eyes.

"Like you really give a shit," Santana spat venomously.

"San-"

"Don't you dare!" Santana shouted, jumping to her feet. She stumbled a bit, wobbly from all the alcohol she had ingested. Quinn wanted to reach out, wanted to hold her steady but didn't. Instead she just sat there, arms dangling on each side of the chair.

"I'm sorry, Santana," Quinn tried but those words only infuriated the Latina more and she reached out, slapping Quinn harder than she had ever been hit in her entire life. Her cheek stung and tears welled in her eyes from the pain. Even her jaw ached. She slowly reached up to touch the almost perfect hand shaped welt on her cheek in shock.

"DON'T!" Santana shouted at her. Her loud voice carried into the house, beyond the music and alerted everyone that something was going on outside and they all slowly began to pile out, one after another.

"What's going on?" Artie asked, to which Santana scoffed in reply.

"'What's going on?'? She mocked, swaying slightly as the alcohol coursed through her system. "I'll tell you what's going on, _Wheelie,_ " she began, voice growing impossibly louder. "I lost the LOVE OF MY LIFE! And her," she gestured wildly in Quinn's direction, "she gets to _keep_ hers but is too much of a fucking _chicken_ to do a goddamn thing about it!"

Quinn's eyes bugged so far out of her head she was sure they would pop out. Blood rushed to her ears as her heart pounded wildly beneath her breastbone. Oh God this was not happening! _Please_ let it not be happening. She looked back at their crowd of friends and of course Rachel was front and center. 'Please Rachel', Quinn begged in her head, 'please go inside. Please please _please_.'. Her silent prayers went unanswered as Rachel continued to stand there, looking at Quinn with those eyes that held ever more questions behind them now. Santana took all this in and it only fueled her rage further.

"See? That's the shit I'm talking about!" She continued her tirade. "Just fucking tell Berry you want to go full rug muncher on her ass!"

"SANTANA!" Sam scolded, eyes darting to Quinn who was sitting so very very still in her chair. Was she even breathing? It didn't look like it because she wasn't.

The second those words left Santana's mouth, all air escaped her body. Her secret was out. And Rachel had heard it. Quinn was reeling more from that than the slap earlier. The slap? Pfft, that had been nothing. This? This was _everything_.

"QUINN!" Sam called after her as Quinn took off like a shot out the Puckerman's back gate, the sound of the gate hitting hard against the fence as it slammed opened and ran for dear life. Running away yet again. But wasn't that all she was good for nowadays? To run? So she did. She ran as far as her feet carried her and as fast they could, leaving everyone in stunned silence. Sam took off after her, leaving everyone to revel in the aftermath of what had just happened.

It all clicked in that moment for Rachel and at the same time, left her even more confused that ever before. So Quinn...Quinn... liked her? _Like_ liked her? Oh. Oh. Oh wow. Okay. So, so what? Quinn liked her. Big deal. But it _was_ a big deal. It was a huge, gigantic deal and Rachel had no idea how to even begin to approach the idea. Part of her wanted to run after Quinn like Sam just had. To find the blonde, confront her and make her talk about what happened. The other part? The part that was confused and even a little frightened (which further added to her confusion), stayed rooted to the spot as the rest of their friends just stared at her, waiting to see what she would do next, but she had no idea what _to_ do.

"Rachel?" Kurt moved to her side, placing a gentle hand on her arm. Rachel just looked up at him with wide, shocked and fearful eyes. "Do you want me to take you home?" He asked. Rachel only answered with a nod. The crowd parted to let them and Blaine pass through the open sliding glass door and back into the house so they could gather their coats, before they started milling in as well.

"It's about time," Tina muttered to Mike.

\---

Quinn ran until her legs could no longer carry her and she fell in a heap in the middle of the street. Sam found her a few moments later and somehow managed to get her to move from the street over to someone's front lawn, where they both plopped down. It didn't even matter that the grass was wet from the sprinklers having run not too long ago.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked after a long time had passed. He knew she wasn't obviously okay, but he needed to get her talking so he asked. Quinn stayed quiet, staring down at her shoes. This would be harder than he thought but it wasn't like he was going anywhere. They would sit there until dawn rose if it was what Quinn needed. He would sit there with her, arm wrapped comfortingly around her shoulders, with her curled into him, as long as she needed.

\---

Rachel thanked Kurt and Blaine for getting her home safely but denied them entrance into her home, assuring that she would be fine and would text them in the morning. She needed time alone to process what had happened twenty minutes ago at Puck's party. Time to dissect every little bit of Santana's statement, of Quinn's reaction to that statement and there was no way she could obsess over it with Kurt and Blaine hovering worriedly over her. She ascended the stairs to her bedroom and sat down on the edge of her bed to think.

Quinn was gay. That fact she had known for nearly two years now. Quinn was also gay for _her_. That was new. Who else knew? Well, everyone now but Rachel wondered who knew before tonight's blow-up? Of course Sam knew, there was no questioning that Quinn would have confided in him. Not with the way their relationship was. And Santana, obviously, but was she told? Did she guess? If she guessed, that meant the others might have guessed too. So if they could have guessed it, how did Quinn's feelings go unbeknownst to Rachel this entire time?

Each moment she had shared with the blonde began to replay through her mind. The smiles they shared. The laughs they had. The times they sung together in Glee Club, at Sectionals and Nationals. She took apart each moment she had spent in the presence of the blonde that she had just learned had feelings for her. When did Quinn know? Was it when she stopped being such a bitch to her? Or had it been after? What had Rachel done to instill those feelings in her? Did it hurt Quinn every time she and Finn were affectionate in front of her?

Her head was reeling so much that even the thought of _Finn_ didn't bring immediate, overwhelming sadness. All she could think about was Quinn.

She needed to come up with a plan to figure this out. To deal with this. But how?

\---

In true Rachel Berry fashion, she dove head first into it and the following morning, found herself standing on the Evans' front porch. She knocked swiftly, folder her hands behind her back and waited for someone to come.

"Rachel?" Mrs. Evans greeted in surprise after opening the door. When Quinn and Sam finally returned home and she learned what happened, she was furious at Santana. Wanted to go over to that girls house and give her a good what-for. She had expected some of Quinn's friends to show eventually to offer their comfort but not in her wildest dreams did she except to see Rachel standing on her porch (though she secretly hoped she could come around eventually.).

"Good morning, Mrs. Evans," Rachel greeted in return, doing her absolute best to keep her composure, despite the butterflies that were flying so fast around her stomach it made her insides vibrate. "Is Quinn home?"

Mrs. Evans studied the young woman in front of her carefully, trying to decide what Rachel's intentions were. She soon gave up and called Quinn down from upstairs, leaving the door open as she returned to the living room.

Quinn came bounding down the stairs up stopped on the third one from the bottom, seeing Rachel standing in her door way.

"Hi," Rachel said, smiling once the blonde came into view.

"Uh, hi," Quinn mumbled, shoving her hands into her jean pockets.

Neither of them moved or said anything unsure what exactly to do now. They were both floating aimlessly in a sea of uncertainty.

"Are you okay?" Rachel finally asked and Quinn's jaw dropped. Of all the things she had expected to come out of Rachel's mouth, concern for her well being hadn't been on the top of her list. Then again, that was Rachel; caring almost to a fault. Of course she'd be worried about her.

"Are you?" Quinn questioned in return. When Rachel shrugged, Quinn felt part of her heartbreak. "Yeah."

"This is just so confusing," Rachel admitted. She had stayed up late into the night ruminating on what had happened, trying to figure everything out before eventually succumbing to sleep some time around midnight.

Quinn hadn't fared any better, tossing and turning aimlessly in an attempt to sleep but Santana's words haunted her well into the night. Of all the ways she had imagined coming out to Rachel about her feelings, Santana's explosion hadn't been one of them. Now those feelings were out there and it was crystal that neither of them knew how to act upon them. It wasn't like Quinn could take those final steps down the stairs, walk over to Rachel, take her into her arms and kiss her. Rachel saw Quinn glance down to her lips as the thought crossed her mind and her curiosity got the best of her.

"What are you thinking?"

Shit.

"Nothing," Quinn lied, a blush creeping over her cheeks, which Rachel found interesting.

"Are we going to talk about what happened last night?" the brunette asked.

"Aren't we?" the blonde shot back.

"Not exactly. I mean I'm not even officially inside your house and you haven't move an inch since you saw me, so I'd say were at a stalemate. A Mexican Standoff, if you will," Rachel babbled. Quinn found it endearing.

She studied Rachel closely, taking everything about her from her outfit (a flowing yellow sundress and white cardigan), to her hair (hanging loosely around her shoulders), to her stance (posture perfect, hands still clasped behind her). What exactly did Rachel want from her? To talk, that was clear but what else did she want? What questions would she have for Quinn and would they be questions that Quinn would have the answers to or even begin to know how to answer? Regardless, her secret was out and they needed to talk about it.

Now how to start?


	7. It Started With A Whisper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel and Quinn attempt to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has lost something due to the crash both physically and emotionally, and now we get to see what Quinn has lost.

After Mrs. Evans ordered them to bring it inside or take it elsewhere, both girls silently agreed that elsewhere would be a good idea. That neutral territory might help them to open up more, so they took a walk around the neighborhood. Ten minutes later and neither of them had said a word. Each time one would start they'd look over at the other, get caught staring, shut their mouths abruptly and turn their eyes front again.

"Just so you know I would never force my feelings on you," Quinn started. She wanted to follow it up with something just as good but had nothing. In the entire time they had been walking it was all she had come up with, but she felt it needed to be said so she did.

"You're fine, Quinn. I know you're not going to like jump me or something," Rachel replied with a soft laugh, smiling. This was good. They were talking. Now Rachel just needed  to keep them talking. She could do this. She could talk. "So why do you like me?" Quinn scoffed at the question, as if it should have been obvious but it wasn't and Rachel needed to know.

"Seriously?" Quinn asked.

"Seriously."

"For someone so smart, you're kind of dumb sometimes," Quinn joked. She didn't realize that the brunette beside her had stopped walking until tan fingers wrapped around her wrist, forcing her to stop as well. Quinn took in a deep breath through her nose, turning around to face Rachel.

"Quinn..."

"Rachel..."

" _Why?"_ Rachel pressed and Quinn was rattling off reasons before her brain even knew what her mouth was doing.

"Because you're adorable, smart, funny, slightly annoying sometimes when you go on your tangents." She watched Rachel roll her eyes at the last one on her list and smirked. "You're also sexy."

"You think I'm sexy?" Rachel whispered  in shock. It was then that she realized she was still holding onto Quinn's wrist and let the other girl go, dropping both hands down to her sides. Quinn immediately missed her touch, wanted to reach out but instead just stuffed her own hands back into the pockets of her jeans.

"Yeah," she whispered back. Her heart was racing, pounding in her ears. She wondered if the brunette could hear it too but Rachel was too busy feeling her own heart beat wildly in her chest. They continued walking after that, both needing a reason not to keep looking at each other.

Quinn was surprised that Rachel was taking all of this seemingly well, but then again Rachel had always been one of the most caring and understanding people that Quinn had ever met. Even during the times when the blonde had been a grade A royal bitch, Rachel had still forgiven her. How was Quinn ever that lucky?

 "When did you start liking me?"Rachel asked next. When Quinn didn't offer an answer, she turned to look at her and saw that the taller girl was lost in deep thought.

"I guess always?" Quinn started after several long, tense minutes had passed with the question hanging between them. "I don't know."

"Oh." Was all Rachel could reply with. She had no idea what answer to expect and didn't know how to respond to the one she got. Had Quinn really always liked her? But she was a total _bitch_ to her during their first few years of school. Did she still like her then? Maybe Quinn had been scared of her feelings and that's why she acted the way she did? It seemed with each answer Rachel received, the more confused she became and the more questions she had.

Finally Quinn had had enough.

"Look," she began, stopping again. Rachel stopped with her and they turned to face each other, eyes locked. "This is all awkward and confusing for the both of us. Right?" Rachel nodded in agreement but said nothing, not wanting to derail Quinn's speech. "And the last year..." Quinn cleared her throat, before continued. "Anyway, what I mean is, we can be friends right?"

"Quinn..." Rachel said her name ever so gently that it cause Quinn's heart to skip a beat. Those brown eyes bore into hers and she felt herself getting more and more lost within them time went on. "We will _always_ be friends. Nothing has changed that. Nothing can change that. Not the accident. Not your feelings for me. Nothing. Okay?"

Quinn nodded because that was all she could do. The emotion, the confidence behind Rachel's words caused her heart to race even faster than before and tears well in her eyes.

They continued walking again after their speeches and both girls lost themselves in the words of the other. Despite her feelings Quinn could do friends. It would mean actually making an effort again and not ignoring Rachel's texts or calls. She could do that right? Of course she could because that's what Rachel wanted. Rachel _wanted_ them to be friends and nothing; not the accident or Santana outing her, had changed that.

And of course Rachel wanted to be friends. She wanted Quinn in her life again. It didn't matter that she liked her. It didn't matter that the knowledge of Quinn liking her caused her pulse to speed up. Caused those butterflies to vibrate in her stomach. Caused her more confusion because she didn't understand why those things were happening. But friends? Friends she could understand. Friends was simple. Friends was easy. Friends was just like old times before any of this happened.

Yes. Rachel and Quinn could be friends because, after all, they already were.

\---

Neither of them realized where their feet were carrying them until they turned onto Rachel's street and her house came into view.

"Do you want to come inside?" Rachel asked once they'd reached her front porch.

 Quinn wanted to say no, to come up with some excuse that she had things to do back at her own home that and to leave but those excuses never came. Instead she nodded and let Rachel lead her into the house, up that impossibly long (in Quinn's mind) staircase and into the diva's room. It hadn't changed at all since the last time Quinn had been in it and it was almost comforting. _Almost_. She stood awkwardly inside Rachel's door and watched the other girl skip over to her radio and flipped it on.

"You know you can come in, silly," Rachel giggled, turning back to see Quinn standing at her door.

In that moment Quinn would have given anything to hear that sound again and found her feet carrying her deeper inside the room, closer to Rachel. She watched the other girl dance around her room to the song that was playing before averting her gaze. Her stare settled on the the wall decorated with pictures from high school. Her eyes wandered over each one but there was one face she never saw among them and it made Quinn's heart feel like it was in a vice grip as she turned her focus back to the oblivious dancing girl: she was smiling as she moved, hips swaying with the beat.

When Rachel turned and found Quinn watching her every move she stopped dancing, clutching her hands nervously in front of her.

"Sorry," Quinn apologized, turning her eyes downcast.

"No, you're fine," Rachel assured. "Do-do you still dance?" Quinn shook her head in reply and Rachel frowned. She'd always loved watching Quinn perform and dance. Each time the blonde stole the show, no matter who she was performing with or what she was singing. "is it because of..." she trailed off, unsure how to broach this subject. Out of everything that had come up between them over the last twenty-four hours, this seemed the hardest question to ask.

"Yeah," Quinn murmured.

"Quinn..." Rachel hesitated, her heart aching. She wanted to go to Quinn, wrap her arms around her and hug her so tight that it put all of the broken pieces of the blonde back together again, so she returned to the once vibrant girl that she had been a year ago. Hell, she wanted someone to do the same for her.

"Look, I'm just gonna go okay?" Quinn said, nodding to the door behind her. She kept her eyes down on Rachel's white carpet and therefore didn't see the saddened look that passed over the brunettes features, before she was able to collect herself.

"Okay," Rachel replied. "Call me later?" At that Quinn finally looked up to meet Rachel's hopeful smile but here eyes were sad.

"Sure," the blonde nodded before leaving the room.

Rachel stayed where she was until she heard the front door open the closed. As soon as it shut behind Quinn, she let out a slow breath as a single tear escaped down her cheek.

 ---

Rachel's last question repeated in an endless loop in Quinn's head the entire walk back to the Evans' house and when she returned, she said nothing to her family, heading straight for the bathroom upstairs. Once safely inside with the door locked, she took a good look at herself mirror. Her hair was longer than it was a year ago, now just past her shoulders. Her features remained the same. Her clothes were different than anything she'd normally chosen to wear in the past, now opting for tee-shirts or tanks with jeans. She stared at her jean clad legs in the mirror for several long minutes before her hands reached to their button. She hesitated, fingers tracing over the brass underneath them before she finally popped the button loose. Long fingers then slid the zipper down and in one swift movement, she shoved the denim all the way down to her ankles. Standing slowly Quinn kept her eyes shut tight, her breathing ragged.

When she finally opened them, tears poured freely down her cheeks as she looked at prosthetic leg that now made up her right leg, which she had lost from the knee down thanks to the accident. Of course she didn't dance anymore, no matter how much she longed to. She wished she could dance again. Wished she could wear dresses and skirts like she had in high school. Wished she could even wear her Cheerios outfit which hung in way in the back of her closet. There was just no way she could, not now. Not anymore.


	8. You Gotta Tip On The Tightrope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam reaches out to Rachel to help Quinn and the unexpected happens.

Sam studied Quinn's every move the rest of the night out of the corner of his eye, once she had emerged from the bathroom. She was withdrawn during dinner, pushing food around her plate when she wasn't taking barely-there bites. When they settled into the living room to watch a movie, she was curled into herself on the couch losing herself in a book instead but Sam noticed that she rarely turned the page and that she'd often just stare blankly at the book.

When the rest of the family said goodnight and left the two blondes alone in the living room, Sam switched off the TV and turned his full attention onto Quinn, which went unnoticed by her, as she was once again staring blankly at the book in her hands. He took in everything about her, from her posture to the small frown gracing her lips. There were worry lines where there had once been laugh lines. There was sadness where there had once been joy. There was death when there had once been life.

Brittany and Finn hadn't been the only ones who had perished that dreadful night. The people they all had once been had died with their friends, leaving these strangers behind. They had once been young, full of hopes and dreams. Full of happiness and a zest for life. Then all of that was stolen away by some idiot who decided that it was a good idea to have a few beers before driving home. They had been robbed, pure and simple.

If he could, Sam would have killed that asshole for stealing away his Quinn. But then again, she was never really his to begin with was she? Not even when they had been dating. Every kiss they had shared, every hug, every stolen glance during Glee Club, every song they sung together. Everything they did together as a couple lacked pure _passion_ on Quinn's part. It was like she was just playing along, following his lead. And then came the day she came out to him under the bleachers and their relationship changed forever.

_\---_

_They were making out under the bleachers between third and fourth period._

_"Sam," Quinn said, pushing at his chest to get him to stop kissing her. All he wanted to do was go back to those lips but the seriousness in her tone and the fear in her eyes kept him from doing so._

_"What's wrong? Are we going too fast?" he asked. Truthfully he wanted to go faster but he was too much of a gentlemen to admit that. It was just what Quinn did to him, added to his already raging teenage hormones._

_"It's not that," she assured him._

_"Then what is it?" She looked absolutely terrified and she was quivering in his arms. "Quinn?"_

_That's when the dam burst and she began to sob. Without hesitation he took her further into his arms, and she held onto him for dear life._

_"I-I-I-I-I," she stuttered through gasping breaths._

_"Breathe, Quinn. It's okay." Sam racked is brain to figure out what on Earth had his girlfriend a hysterical sobbing mess but nothing came to mind. He wasn't the smartest person in the world, but surely he should know what the hell was going on with Quinn that had her so upset. Had he done something? Said something? What?_

_"I'm gay," she finally choked out into his shoulder. He wouldn't have thought it was possible but once those two words left her lips she started trembling ever more._

_"Gay?" he repeated. "But we..."_

_"I'm sorry," Quinn murmured._

_Gripping her shoulders tightly in his hands, Sam pushed her back so he could look into her eyes. Hers were wide and terrified and it broke his heart, more so than the fact they would no longer be a couple did._

_"Listen to me," he said slowly, making sure he had her full attention. "Don't you_ ever _apologize for who you are, Quinn Fabray._ Never."

\---

That day would forever be etched in his memory as simultaneously one of the best and worst days of his life. He had lost his girlfriend, his first love, but in return had gained something more. Quinn trusted him to be the first person she came out to and that trust meant the world to him. He would never do anything to betray that and would love her unconditionally. No matter how he still felt about her to this day, above all he would be the friend that she needed him to be.

At first it was hard. Especially after learning that she was in love with Rachel. Watching them after that during Glee Club broke his heart even more. He watched her the way she watched Rachel. He had never really been a jealous person but he steadily became jealous of Rachel, wanting Quinn to look at him like that just once more, even if it was just an act. But she never did. He knew she loved him, but it would never be more than as a friend, a brother. He also knew that he needed to do something, _anything_ to try to bring at least a tiny bit of that old Quinn back. If not for her, than for himself because it hurt too much to know this version. It hurt too much to run to her side nearly nightly when she cried out from nightmares.

It all just hurt too much.

\---

The following day he texted Rachel and asked her to meet him for coffee. He had no idea what he was doing in all honestly, but like his mother he had figured that Rachel was the key to getting Quinn back to herself or at least some semblance of. Even if the brunette would never return her feelings, she could at least help him convince Quinn that the accident hadn't been her fault. That the deaths hadn't been her fault.

"Sam?" Rachel asked to get his attention, coming over to his table.

"Hey Rachel," he greeted, standing up to hug her.

"Is this about Quinn?" Rachel asked once they were seated and settled. Sam nodded. "Knowing how she feels about me doesn't change how I feel about her. She's still my friend."

"I don't talk about the accident," Sam said abruptly causing Rachel to fall silent. "I don't like to. It makes me sad. Talking about it. Thinking about it. So I just don't do it.  But Quinn... She _needs_ to talk about it. She needs someone to listen to her, someone to comfort and reassure her that it wasn't her fault."

"She thinks it's her fault?" Rachel asked, shocked. Quinn had apologized the other night at the party but Rachel never realized the depth to it. It made her insides hurt to think that Quinn blamed herself for what had happened.

"It was her car, her driving," he replied.

"That's stupid. It wasn't her fault. It was the drunk who crashed into us."

"I know that," Sam said, nodding in agreement. "Even a part of Quinn knows that but she still blames herself. She blames herself especially because of her feelings for you."

"But why-" _Oh._ That's when Rachel had an epiphany. "Finn," she said slowly and Sam nodded again.

"I know it's hard for you to talk about him, Rachel, but I need you to try and talk to Quinn about him. Try to get her to realize that him dying wasn't her fault."

"Why me?" When Sam gave her a look and she suddenly understood. "Because she likes me?" It was a question but she already felt she knew the answer to it. Sam was asking her to talk with Quinn because he thought Quinn would listen to her because of the feelings the blonde had for her. In theory it seemed like it would work but Rachel had her doubts. Mostly, they were self-doubts, which was a rarity for her. Could she really change Quinn's mind? Convince her once and for all that she wasn't to blame for what happened? Did the other girl really feel _that_ strongly about her? And if she did... The implications behind that were just too much for Rachel in that moment and it left her head spinning. She had no idea how she felt right then. She had no idea how she felt most days but especially recently since her return to Lima. Everything she had ever known or thought she knew had completely changed. It started with the accident and never stopped.

"Rachel?" Sam questioned. He could practically see the gears turning inside her her as she thought things through.

"Okay," Rachel agreed after coming back to herself. "I'll try."

\---

She called Quinn later that day to her out to lunch the next day. Not _out_ out, like a _date_ out, she had made sure to clarify and then felt silly for having done so. At first Quinn said she was busy but Rachel pressed on and didn't take no for an answer, eventually getting the blonde to agree with some reluctance and the following afternoon found them sitting across from one another at a table inside Breadstix.

The plan was simple: first Rachel would get Quinn talking and so far, her plan was right on track. Despite the obvious nervousness that the blonde had originally displayed once she'd arrived, she eventually began to open up about her life back in New Haven, about school and her friends and the part-time job she had writing articles for an online magazine. She even made Quinn smile once or twice, especially when, in turn, she talked about New York, about NYADA and Broadway.

 It was all going so well, until Rachel finally decided it was time to broach the subject of the accident.

"You know, I wasn't sure I would still be going to New York this time last year," Rachel casually started and instantly regretted it when Quinn's smile faded. Still, she promised Sam she would try and so she was. "Quinn?"

"Hmm?" Quinn hummed, looking down at the remainder of her meal like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

"Please look at me," Rachel said, reaching out to touch Quinn's free hand resting on the table. The touch made the blonde finally look up and Rachel offered her a grateful smile for doing so. Rachel's hand was warm and soft but also felt like a heavy weight on top of Quinn's. She tried to pull hers out from under it but Rachel only grasped on tighter to hers.

"I'm glad you did," Quinn confessed sheepishly before returning her eyes back to her food. She truly was happy that Rachel had continued on with New York and Broadway. Quinn felt as if she had already robbed Rachel of so much because of the crash, she didn't want to have been responsible for robbing the rising star of her lifelong dream as well. That would have just been too much to bare.

"Quinn," Rachel said slowly, trying to draw the other girl's attention back to her, but Quinn's eyes remained downcast. Sighing through her nose, Rachel carried on. "I want you to listen to me very carefully: what happened last summer was _not you fault_. That's why it's called an _accident_. There was nothing any of us could have done."

Quinn tried to jerk her hand away but the brunette was showing unprecedented strength as she held on with a firmer grip. She wanted to run away again but Rachel held strong and anchored her to the table. It was as comforting as it was unnerving.

"How could you really think that it was your fault?" Rachel continued when Quinn didn't speak.  All Quinn could do was offer a halfhearted shrug in reply but that wasn't good enough for Rachel. "Why do you think it's your fault?" She asked again. "Why do you blame yourself? No one blames you, Quinn. _I_ don't blame you for what happened. I don't blame you for Finn dying." She waited for Quinn to speak but she never did. Instead Rachel watched as she fought to keep her composure and eventually lose, breaking down into gut wrenching sobs. It didn't even matter that the other patrons of the restaurant were staring at them, all Quinn could do was cry.

Rachel was out of her seat and kneeling next to the blonde's, never letting go of her hand in the process. She brought her other to Quinn's right thigh without thinking about it but even though her crying Quinn realized exactly where her hand was and finally dislodged herself from the other girl, standing so abruptly that her chair toppled over in the process. It was then that Rachel had realized where she'd placed her hand and stood up, brushing out her skirt in the process.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, reaching out to take Quinn's hand in her own again but Quinn took a step back out of reach.

"I have to go," Quinn murmured through tears and was out the door before Rachel could even protest otherwise.

As soon as Quinn was outside she took in huge gulps of air but no matter how deeply she breathed, she felt like she was suffocating. She should have been happy. Rachel didn't blame her for Finn's death but that did nothing to quench the guilt that burned within her. It did nothing to ease the pain because she still blamed herself. She still wished that she had died that night instead of Finn and Brittany.

After throwing down enough money onto the table to cover their meals, Rachel found Quinn standing in the middle of the parking still struggling to regulate her breathing through her sobs. Saying nothing, Rachel walked over to the other girl and wrapped her arms around Quinn's waist, interlacing her hands on the taller girl's stomach to keep her in a firm grasp, and pulled Quinn into her until their bodies were pressing flush against one another.

"Breathe, Quinn," Rachel ordered gently, before taking in a deep breath. Quinn felt Rachel inhale against her, then exhale. Soon Quinn found herself following along with Rachel. When Rachel inhaled, so did she. When she exhaled, she followed suit. Soon her breathing slowed but it was still ragged because, as she calmed, finally began to comprehend their closeness. She felt Rachel's breasts pressing into her back. Her breath hot against the back of Quinn's neck every time she exhaled caused goosebumps to dot her flesh and the tiny hairs at the nape of her neck to rise. It sent shivers down Quinn's spine.

Rachel felt the tremble but didn't take into consideration that she was the reason behind it until she felt it again as she exhaled against the other girl's skin again and received another shutter in response. She should let go but she didn't, instead tightening her hold further on the other girl as she pulled her impossibly closer against her.

"Rachel..." Quinn wheezed between gritted teeth.

"Shhh," Rachel breath against her neck again, causing another jolt to course through Quinn's body.

Finally Quinn had had enough and spun around abruptly in Rachel's arms, so they were facing each other and pressed her lips firmly against the shorter girl's and oh god, they really were as soft as she had imagined they'd be. Just as Quinn thought to pull away, to apologize for kissing her, she felt Rachel slowly start responding to that kiss and her lips began to move against Quinn's.

Rachel had no idea what in the hell she was doing, only that it felt good to kiss Quinn and lost herself in the moment. Over the lat twelve month she had tried going on a few dates but nothing came of them. She'd only kissed two other people during that time and none of them had made her feel the way Quinn's mouth on hers felt. It made her feel  _alive_ again and it was strange and exciting and _scary_ all at the same time.

\---

"I kissed you."

"Yes."

"And you kissed back."

"Also yes."

After their parking lot kiss Rachel drove Quinn home but neither of them spoke along the way, letting the radio fill the void. Now they were parked in front of Quinn's with nothing to distract them from talking.

"Why?" Quinn asked, turning in her seat to look fully upon Rachel as she waited for her answer.

"I don't know," Rachel admitted but that wasn't good enough for Quinn. She needed to know why Rachel had kissed her back and not pushed her away like she had always imagined the brunette doing if she ever got the balls to kiss her. Before she could ask another question Rachel continued to speak. "Quinn... I need time to figure this out."

"You and me both," Quinn muttered under her breath. Rachel, who had been keeping her eyes forward turned to look at Quinn.

"What?"

"Nothing," Quinn said. "Take all the time you need. I'll see you later." With that, Quinn opened the door and stepped out, slamming it behind her with more force than she meant to.

Rachel watched Quinn stalk up the lawn then disappear into the house, before she started the car and drove off.

"Hey!" Mrs. Evans called out from the kitchen when she heard Quinn slam the front door shut too. Soon she appeared as Quinn started making her way up the stairs. "What on Earth is going on?"

"Nothing," Quinn answered, continuing on her way up.

"Quinn!" Mrs. Evans hollered up the stairs when she heard Quinn's bedroom door slam as well.

Quinn threw herself down onto her bed, thankful that Stacie wasn't in the room so she could have time to think in peace. She played back everything that happened while she had been with Rachel, from when they were talking in the restaurant to the kiss in the parking lot and not a bit of it made sense. By all rights Rachel should have hated her but she didn't and she didn't blame her for the crash. She wasn't sure which part of the afternoon was more astonishing, that or the kiss,

When staring up at the ceiling offered no resolution to her problem, Quinn got to her feet and started pacing around the room, talking out loud to herself in an attempt to find a solution.

"Okay, so Rachel doesn't blame you, that's good. And then she kissed you. Also good?" She questioned to the empty room.

"Rachel kissed you?" Sam asked from the doorway, making her jump and yelp. Her back had been turned to the door and she didn't hear him come in.

"Jesus, Sam!" Quinn gasped, clutching her chest as she spun to face him.

"Sorry," he apologized, closing the door before he making his way over to her bed to sit. "So Rachel kissed you?"

"I heard you the first time," Quinn snapped without meaning too. Sighing heavily, she joined him on the bed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap."

"S'all good. Now tell me what happened?"

"I don't even know where to begin," she admitted, placing her elbows on her knees while resting her chin on her fists.

"Well, usually you start from the beginning," Sam joked, which earned him a roll of the eyes and a playful swat on the arm. He also got a small smile out of it, which he chocked up to a win.

"We talked, I freaked the fuck out, then we kissed in the parking lot."

 "Okay," Sam said with a nod. "Let's start with what you talked about?" The question was just for show, knowing that Rachel was going to attempt to talk with Quinn about the accident, like he had discussed with her over coffee.

"She doesn't blame me," Quinn told him. He could hear the amazement in her voice over that fact.

"You really thought she would?" He questioned. Quinn only shrugged instead of giving a verbal answer. "Is that why you freaked out?"

"Kinda," Quinn admitted. Now that it was all over and she replayed it back in her head, she realized what a scene she had caused in the restaurant and felt embarrassed. "God, I don't think I can set foot back in Breadstix after all that."

"Then you kissed," Sam said, trying to steer the conversation back on track. Quinn nodded as best she could with her chin still resting on her fists. "How was it?"

"I honestly don't know how to describe it," Quinn admitted, letting her hands fall to her sides as she sat up straighter. "It was like electricity shot though my body. And then when she started kissing back, it felt like I was floating and drowning all at the same time."

Sam could only nod as he listened. He had a good idea of how she had felt because he'd had a similar feeling the first time he kissed Quinn. It was in that moment that he knew that he would be in love with her for the rest of his life. He wanted to ask if she had felt anything like that when they had kissed in the past but didn't, not wanting to get an answer that would confirm is suspicions that she had never felt that kind of emotional charge with him.

"Anyway," she continued after clearing her throat. "She drove me home and then said she needed time to figure it out. So that's what I'm going to do."

"Are you going to be okay with that?" Sam inquired.

"Do I really have a choice?" Quinn asked, looking over at him with a lost expression on her face.

"Guess not," he replied, then slung an arm around her shoulders to pull her into him for a side hug which Quinn was appreciative of.

\---

 _"You kissed Quinn."_ Kurt repeated Rachel's statement.

As soon as the brunette had gotten home, she went up to her room and immediately called Kurt to tell him what had happened and get advice on how to handle it.

"I told you this three times already," Rachel said, starting to get a little irritated with him. Though in truth it wasn't actually Kurt she was irritated with but herself. She still had no idea why she kissed Quinn back or what it meant or how she felt about it. That's why she was turning to her best friend to help. If anyone could help her navigate these murky waters it would be Kurt but he was just as astonished as she was about the whole thing. "So what do I do?" she asked again.

 _"Just go with it,"_ Blaine offered, indicating to Rachel that she had been on speaker the whole time. It didn't bother her though, as she also valued his opinions as well.

"Excuse me?" Rachel inquired, taken aback by what he'd just told her. "Explain."

_"Well, you said kissing her felt good, right?"_

"Mhm."

 _"Then just go with it,"_ Blaine reiterated.

 _"I think Blaine's right."_ This time it was Kurt speaking. _"I mean really, Rachel, how many dates did you go on in New York and nothing happened with them. You kiss Quinn_ once _and you said you finally felt_ something _from it."_

Rachel contemplated his words, letting them sink in. True, she'd gone on dates and felt no connection at all during them. One fleeting kiss with Quinn and she had felt an overwhelming explosion of feelings, none of which she could even begin to comprehend except for one simple fact; it felt good and she hadn't felt good like that in a long time. Then again, she needed to take Quinn's feelings into consideration before even beginning to attempt anything.

"I told want to lead her on though," she told them.

 _"That's why you need to talk with her about it first. Tell her how you feel."_ Kurt spoke again.

"But I _don't know_ how I feel," she reminded them.

 _"So tell her that."_ This came from Blaine. _"What's the worst that can happen?"_

What indeed?

\---

Days ticked by and still Quinn hadn't heard a thing from Rachel. Several times a day she'd pick up her phone, opened her messaging app and attempt to text Rachel but would delete the words then close her phone. By the time the third day rolled around, Quinn decided she'd had enough and was going to confront Rachel once and for all.

"I'm going out," she called out to her family as she came bounding down the stairs, heading for the front door. When she opened it she stopped dead in her tracks, seeing Rachel standing on the other side with fist raised, ready to knock.

"Oh! Quinn!" Rachel gasped when the door opened. She hadn't been expecting the door to open so suddenly before she could even knock, nor to see Quinn immediately standing there. "Hi."

"Hi," Quinn echoed, just as startled to see Rachel as the other girl was to see her standing there. "What are you doing here?"

"I was hoping we could talk," Rachel said with an apologetic tone. She took a step back to allow Quinn room to move outside to join her on the porch which the blonde did, closing the door behind her.

Rachel had rehearsed front to back what she had planned to say to Quinn but now that she found herself standing the other girl's presence, her mind went blank. She thought back to the conversation she had earlier in the week with Kurt and Blaine, trying to draw inspiration from it again but nothing came.

"I thought you wanted to talk," Quinn said as she leaned back against the front porch railing with her legs out, crossed at the ankle and hands behind her on the railing itself to hold her balance. she was attempting to act nonchalant about the whole thing, but in actuality her heart was beating so fast in her chest she was sure it would burst out of her like the scene where the creature popped out of that guy's chest in the movie "Alien".

"Right," Rachel said. Quinn noted that the it was said almost as if Rachel was telling herself that and not just speaking to Quinn. "I thought about everything that happened. I spent the last few days breaking it down, looking at everything that happened, not just from the kiss but going back to the accident and before and-"

"Rachel," Quinn cut her off. "You're babbling."

"Sorry," Rachel murmured, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ear as she turned a pale pink, all of which Quinn found extremely adorable. "I tried dating when I was in New York. Nothing happened with them, but something happened with you." Rachel dared to take a step closer to Quinn, which made Quinn's "cool facade" falter slightly. "I don't know what it was, nor could I even begin to understand it, but it happened. I'm in town for less than a week and a half." Rachel could see the downturn in Quinn's lip in a small frown at this news. It was so minute that Rachel would have missed it, had she not been keeping her gaze locked on Quinn's lips, unable to meet her eyes just yet.

"Oh."

"Taking your feelings into consideration," Rachel continued on. "I'd like us to start hanging out again. I'm not promising that anything will come of it in a way that you may or may not want because of your feelings but regardless, I miss you Quinn." She took another step forward and Quinn's arms fell out from beneath her, forcing her to stop leaning against the railing and stand up straight. Two more steps and Rachel would be in her personal space. "I've missed you, our friendship, so much this last year. I want us to rekindle that, build upon our foundation from before the accident and be in each others lives again."

Quinn swallowed hard as Rachel took another step to her once she had finished speaking. It was almost too much to Quinn to absorb with Rachel's close proximity but she listened intently while the she spoke, taking in each sentence. Later she'd probably dissect or question it but for now, she was just going with it.

"Do you think we can do that?" Rachel asked, risking that final step. If she only leaned in the tiniest bit, their bodies would be pressing against one another, but she didn't. From here on out, it was Quinn's ball. Whatever she decided to do or not do, Rachel would have to live with and she waited with bated breath for Quinn to make her choice.

"I missed you too," Quinn divulged. "And I'm _always_ okay with us being friends. I'm sorry that I wasn't responsive to you this last year. I was sure you'd hate me because of what happened."

"I could never hate you, Quinn," Rachel said, finally meeting Quinn's hazel eyes. Quinn could see the truth shining back behind those brown orbs.

"What do you want to do first, friend?" Quinn asked.


	9. She Acts Like Summer and Walks Like Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel tries to help Quinn the only way she knows how: by singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quinn sings in italics. Rachel sings in bold. If it's both, they're singing together.
> 
> This chapter took me a while to figure out how I wanted it to flow, that's why it took me some time to post it. I know before I had been posting a chapter or two a night during the very beginning but as I said, this one gave me some trouble. Hopefully the next one will be much more cooperative. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.

The rest of the week was filled with Quinn and Rachel spending time together.

The first two days was having coffee together. During their first outing they spent the first hour and a half reminiscing about old times at McKinley before deciding that they'd had a long enough journey into the past when the timeline grew closer to graduation and aftermath. However, neither girl really wanted to be out of the others presence so they silently agreed to do their own things. Quinn would work on articles for her publication while Rachel texted her agent back in New York and checked all the latest Broadway gossip. By their second coffee date they settled into more recent topics and hopes for the future.

The third day Rachel suggested grabbing some lunch and taking it to the park. Once there they found a nice shady spot to shield them from the afternoon summer sun.

It was now their forth day together. They met again at their spot in the park but this time Rachel brought a picnic lunch she'd made from home.

As Rachel was setting up, Quinn strolled around the park, her mind wandering back to their previous days spent with each other and started singing to herself,  Roxy's "Listen To Your Heart".

 _I know there's something in the wake of your smile._  
_I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea._  
_You've built a love but that love falls apart._  
_Your little piece of heaven turns too dark._

She thought about the times where they'd look into each others eyes and she could see questions and curiosity burning behind those brown orbs. To the times when she caught Rachel staring at her lips (she'd done the same from time to time)

 _Listen to your heart when he's calling for you._  
_Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do._

 _I don't know where you're going and I don't know why,_  
_But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye._  
_Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile._  
_The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea._  
_They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,_  
_The feeling of belonging to your dreams._

And the times when Rachel seemed to take advantage of every chance she could to touch Quinn. It started with grazes of hands, hugs and once even hand holding.

 _Listen to your heart when he's calling for you._  
_Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do._

 _I don't know where you're going and I don't know why,_  
_But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye._  
_And there are voices that want to be heard._  
_So much to mention but you can't find the words._  
_The sense of magic, the beauty that's been_  
_When love was wilder than the wind._

There had even been a few times that, and maybe this was just Quinn's hopeful mind making her see things, that it seemed like Rachel smiled at her in a little more than friendly type of way.

 _Listen to your heart when he's calling for you._  
_Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do._

 _I don't know where you're going and I don't know why,_  
_But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye._

By the time she finished, Rachel was done setting out their lunches and Quinn joined her on the blanket.

"Did you say something?" Rachel asked, looking over at the blonde as she plopped down next to her.

"Nope," Quinn replied as she stretched her legs out in front of her. She saw Rachel's gaze shift to her right leg, out of the corner of her eye. This had been sometime coming, Quinn thought. Everyone knew that because of the crash she'd lost part of her right leg but no one had seen it or her with the prosthetic. Not even Sam or his parents. Quinn felt like a freak because of it and did her best to hide it. Hell, _she_ didn't even like looking at it. But sitting here now Rachel was staring at her leg and it made Quinn's insides churn, not in a pleasant way. "Rachel..." she murmured.

"Sorry," Rachel snapped out of it hearing her name. She threw an apologetic smile to Quinn before she handed over the blondes lunch; turkey on rye. Quinn smiled back at her and waited until Rachel had her own lunch, a salad, in hand and they both started eating together.

"You know," Quinn began after swallowing her third bite, "you really didn't need to make me lunch. We could have just picked something up like last time."

"It was no trouble, really. I wanted to make our forth day a little more special."

Okay, Quinn _had_ to be hearing things because when Rachel said "day", she was sure that Rachel actually started to say "date" but caught herself before actually finishing the word. Added the fact that she also said she wanted to make this day a more special than the others, Quinn's heart started to beat a little faster as questions began to flood though her train of thought. Were they dating? They'd spent the last four days together hanging out but it was just to catch up right? After all, they had a whole year of catching up to do.

"Rachel," Quinn said hesitantly after watching the girl eat her salad for a few minutes. She wanted to ask if this was actually a date but there was a drop of dressing on the corner of Rachel's mouth that was mighty distracting because all Quinn wanted to do was lean over and kiss it away.

"Quinn?" Rachel asked when the other girl didn't say anything else.

"You uh, you have some dressing on the corner of your mouth."

"Oh." Rachel licked at one side of her lips, then the other when she didn't taste the salad dressing on the previous side. Quinn's eyes darkened slightly as she watched Rachel's pink tongue dart out and Rachel didn't miss her staring. Actually, it was more like ogling but Rachel found herself not minding too much. "Thank you."

"No problem," Quinn said after clearing her throat. She went back to eating her sandwich to occupy her attention. She soon let her mind wander and found her thoughts leading her back to Glee Club which was the best part of her high school life. Because it was Friday, she remembered when Blaine sang Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night." As the performance played in her head, she remembered spending most of the number dancing with Rachel. These thoughts made her heart swell with joy and she started laughing.

"What?" Rachel asked and though she arched an eyebrow at Quinn's actions, she wore a huge smile seeing the blonde laugh. It had been a long time since she'd heard the sound and she missed it more than she could understand. It was like the purest music to her ears, something akin to a long lost song that she never imagined to hear again. Now she was and she couldn't help but beam.

"Do you remember after Mercedes left Glee Club and Blaine sang "Last Friday Night"?" She watched Rachel's face as the other girl thought back. It took her a few moments but she nodded. "Do you also remember who's idea it was to dance on the piano? It was Quinn's turn to arch an eyebrow.

"Oh god!" Rachel started laughing at the memory. She had grabbed Quinn by the arm and lead her over to the piano, where she climbed up first and then helped Quinn up.

"We danced most of the number together," Quinn added. She left out the part where they would have actually danced the whole thing together if Finn hadn't finally gotten off his ass and grabbed Rachel away from her, leaving her to dance with Puck until Rachel broke free. Then they were partners again though the end of the song. Sam had a theory that Finn was actually jealous of her and Rachel dancing. together. He told Quinn once that there had been a few times he'd catch Finn with this weird look on his face whenever she performed with Quinn, no matter what song they were singing or where they were. In the beginning Quinn didn't think anything of it, dismissing the idea completely. Then she ruminated on it much later and began to wonder what if he really had been jealous>

It was no secret that she and Finn had the rockiest of relationships, whether it was as a couple or just friends. First there was her getting pregnant. Finn, and even Rachel, had been a tremendous help to her, offering her strength and comfort until it came out that it was actually Puck's baby and not Finn's. Then there was their attempt to get back together where Quinn could admit freely now that she had been a total bitch to him the entire time because she was fighting feelings about liking girls and wanted to make sure that she had him around for a distraction. Then he and Rachel got back together which left Quinn needing other ways of distraction.

Then came the Skanks the summer before Senior year because she needed something extreme. Her feelings for Rachel had become too overwhelming and she wasn't yet ready to admit that she was gay, so she fought to change her identity and push Glee Club, and Rachel, away. That only ended up blowing up in her face and then she was out not too much longer after that.

And now here she was, eating a picnic lunch with Rachel, who was completely aware of Quinn's feelings, on what could possibly be their forth date.

"Quinn!" Rachel said in a loud tone, breaking Quinn from her musings.

"What?"

"I said that was one of my favorite performances. It was fun dancing with you."

"Oh." Quinn blushed. Why was she blushing? _Stop blushing_ she yelled at herself in her head.

"Quinn?" Rachel said her name again, this time in a murmur. She also had her eyes cast down momentarily before looking up at Quinn through her lashes.

"Yeah?" Quinn asked breathlessly because of the way Rachel was looking at her.

"I miss dancing with you," Rachel confessed. She watched the emotions dance across Quinn's face, trying to decipher them as they came and went but was unable to figure out what Quinn was thinking about her statement. Quinn had told her she didn't dance any more because of her leg, and Rachel knew this would be a hard topic to bring up eventually, which she had planned to further down their relationship--- _friendship---_ but the memory of dancing with Quinn that day made her decide to bring it up now.

"Rachel," Quinn said slowly, sighing through her nose. "You know why I can't dance anymore."

"Have you even tried?" Rachel asked, looking her square in the eye as if to challenge Quinn to lie about it. She watched Quinn cave under her stare, and gulp before shaking her head. "How do you know if you can't dance anymore if you haven't tried? Hmm?" Rachel knew she was being pushy but felt in the recesses of her heart that getting Quinn to dance again would only benefit her in the long term.

"Rachel..."

"Dance with me."

"Wh-what?" Quinn stuttered at the request.

"Dance with me," Rachel repeated. "I don't mean here," she added when Quinn began to look around the park nervously.

"Then where?" Quinn asked as Rachel started packing up their picnic.

\---

 Half an hour later Rachel was leading Quinn up onto the stage in McKinley's auditorium.

"Do you remember," Rachel started, letting go of Quinn's hand to walk a few feet in front of her, "when I wanted to get a nose job?"

"How could I forget, you wanted my nose." Quinn remembered every detail of that day from talking about how she felt being the pretty popular girl, to getting photos of her nose done. The whole ordeal terrified Quinn and she was so thankful Rachel changed her mind.

"You helped me learn to love myself and now I want to return the favor."

Quinn watched as the curtain rose behind Rachel reveling Brad, the pianist from Glee Club. Rachel had texted him, asking him to come on the way from the park to her car. And then Rachel started singing.

 **I wish I could tie you up in my shoes**  
**Make you feel unpretty too**  
**I was told I was beautiful**  
**But what does that mean to you**  
**Look into the mirror who's inside there**  
**The one with the long hair**  
**Same old me again today**

Tears welled in Quinn's eyes as Rachel sang the same song they had sung together, "I Feel Pretty/Unpretty". Quinn followed Rachel's lead.

 _My outsides are cool_  
_My insides are blue_  
_Every time I think I'm through_  
_It's because of you_  
_I've tried different ways_  
_But it's all the same_  
_At the end of the day_  
_I have myself to blame_  
_I'm just trippin'_

 _**You can buy your hair if it won't grow** _  
_**You can fix your nose if he says so** _  
_**You can buy all the make-up that MAC can make** _  
_**But if you can't look inside you** _  
_**Find out who am I too** _  
_**Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty** _

As they sang together Quinn walked closer to Rachel. She was surprised when Rachel took both her hands into hers but didn't falter.

 **I feel pretty**  
**Oh so pretty**

Rachel dropped Quinn's hands to wrap her arms around the taller girl's neck. Quinn's hands automatically found Rachel's waist and held tight as Rachel started to sway them from side to side.

  
_**I feel pretty and witty and bright** _

**You can buy your hair if it won't grow**  
**You can fix your nose if he says so**  
**You can buy all the make-up that MAC can make**  
**But if you can't look inside you**

  
**_Find out who am I too_ **  
**_Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty_ **

Soon they were dancing in a small circle.

 **I feel pretty**  
**Oh so pretty**  
**I feel pretty and witty and bright**  
**And I pity**  
**Any girl who isn't me tonight**

 _Oh oh oh oh oh_ **(Tonight)**  
_Oh oh oh oh oh_  
_Oh oh oh oh oh_ **(Tonight)**  
_Oh oh oh oh oh_  
_Oh oh oh oh oh_ **(Tonight)**  
_Oh oh oh oh oh_

They both stilled, staring into each others eyes as they finished the last verse, first Quinn then them together.

 **I feel pretty**  
_**But unpretty** _

"Rachel... I..." Before Quinn could get any further Rachel kissed her. She thought about pulling back but Rachel began to move her lips ever so gently against hers and it urged Quinn on.

It was slow and soft and different than their last kiss. This time they were exploring each others lips with their own, getting to know the feel and the shape of each other. Just as Quinn was tempted to take the kiss a step further, Rachel ended the kiss by pulling her head back just enough so their lips weren't touching.

Hazel eyes met brown and both were full of questions that neither girl was sure she could answer right then. Rachel had no idea why she initiated the kiss, only that in the moment if felt _right_ to do so and she was happy she did in a way she still didn't quite understand. It was amazing none the less, the feel of Quinn's lips upon hers. And Quinn? She was in ecstasy. She thought she knew what Rachel's lips could to before but she didn't realize the power behind them until just now. One kiss and Quinn felt like she was flying and dying all at once,

"Rachel..." Quinn whispered, breath mingling with Rachel's.

"Shh..." Rachel shushed her in a gentle whisper. "Kiss me again."

So Quinn did.


	10. Time And Time Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel's time in Lima is running out faster than either girl would like. So what happens now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long between updates. I have been stuck on this chapter for a while now. I have an idea of where to go from here now, so hopefully future updates will come a bit faster than this one did.

There was one thing Rachel knew for sure; she liked kissing Quinn. It made her feel something she hadn't felt since her very first kiss with Finn. It ignited a spark within her that made her feel floaty and like anything was possible. She was still confused about her feelings in general for Quinn and unsure exactly what their relationship was now and wanted desperately to figure it out. Unfortunately, time was not on Rachel's side.

\---

"So you kissed again?"

"Mhm."

Sam and Quinn were sitting on the front porch swing, enjoying the nice afternoon as they talked about Rachel and the new developments as of late.

"So are you guys dating?" Sam asked.

"That's the million dollar question," Quinn replied before letting out a sigh that was both in confusion and frustration. "We've been hanging out and we've kissed but I don't know if we're dating or just friends who kiss or what."

"Ask her out on a real date and see what happens?"

"What if she says no? Or what if she says yes and it goes bad? Or what if---"

"Quinn," Sam said, cutting her off before she could continue with the endless "what ifs" that were eating away at her brain. "You'll never know until you ask her."

"Ask who what?" Rachel asked, coming up the front porch steps. The two blondes had been so into their conversation that neither had noticed her walking up the front lawn until she made her appearance known by speaking.

"Rachel!" Quinn squeaked, getting to her feet so fast that she caused the porch swing to rock back. "Hi. What are you doing here?"

"I was hoping we could talk," Rachel said. Instantly Quinn's stomach dropped hearing those six words. It was never a good thing when someone started with something like that.

"Okay," she said slowly.

"I'll just leave you guys to it then," Sam said as he got to his feet. He gave Quinn's shoulder a soft squeeze, reassuring her that she could do this, as he passed by her going to the door. "It was good seeing you Rachel."

"You too." Once he was inside, Quinn sat back down on the swing. Rachel joined her, sitting in Sam's vacated spot.

"So you wanted to talk?" Quinn asked, turning to face Rachel.

"I got a phone call last night from my agent," Rachel said, staring at the Evans' front law as she spoke. "I have to return to New York."

"Oh," Quinn said softly. She knew that eventually Rachel was going to leave back to New York but hadn't expected it to happen this soon. Before she even got a chance to figure out what the hell they were to each other now.

Rachel was feeling similarly to Quinn. She had nearly cried when she had gotten off the phone with her agent. She came home to Lima to finish unsettled business with Quinn but now she had more to figure out that what she originally started with and no time left to sort her countless feelings. She tried to convince her agent to give her a little more time, just another week but he had been adamant that she return immediately. It was a tough decision Rachel wrestled with all night; stay in Lima and try to sort things out about Quinn or risk losing her Broadway career which was just getting started. It was heartbreaking choice but ultimately Rachel decided that going back was best for her in the long run, even though she knew it would hurt Quinn and possibly destroy whatever it was they were becoming to each other.

"I want you to know this wasn't something I took lightly," Rachel explained, referring to both her returning to New York and the time she had spent with Quinn the last few weeks. "I hope you can understand why I have to go."

"I do," Quinn assured. No matter how she felt about Rachel she would  _never_ stand in the way of the other girl's dream. "What we are or aren't doesn't matter, Rachel. New York and Broadway has been your dream your entire life. You've worked so hard to get where you are and I wouldn't ever make you choose."

Rachel finally looked over at Quinn, silent tears spilling down her cheeks. She couldn't believe that Quinn was being so selfless about all of this, that she was still being so supportive.

Without hesitation Quinn took the other girl into er arms and held her close. They stayed like that for a long time, Quinn holding Rachel with Rachel's head resting on her shoulder and her arms wrapped around Quinn's middle. Neither wanted to let go because letting go of each other now would mean letting go of the possibility of what they could have been to each other, had they the time they needed to sort through feelings. And they didn't speak, not knowing how to address the situation.

When the late afternoon sun was starting to make its decent, Rachel and Quinn untangled themselves from one another finally.

"I'm sorry," Rachel spoke first, her voice low.

"I know," Quinn replied. She reached out to tuck some fallen strands of Rachel's hair back behind her ear but didn't move her hand away when she was done. Instead she cupped Rachel's cheek, surprised a little when Rachel turned her head into her palm. Soon their eyes found one another.

There was was no second guessing or overthinking involved when Quinn leaned in to capture Rachel's lips in a slow kiss. There was only a burning, deep seeded need to be kissing Rachel in that moment. She thought that maybe Rachel felt it too because soon she was moving her lips against Quinn's, returning the kiss. Both girls' eyes soon shut as they lost themselves in the kiss. Quinn's briefly popped open when she felt Rachel's hand move up her neck and into her fingers burying themselves in her blonde locks, but closed them again to savor the kiss. It held the same pace their ones from before, slow and exploratory as their lips moved with each other's almost in some type of dance, but this time it felt different. It was almost as if they were saying goodbye to each other now using their mouths but not the actual words.

Once the kiss ended Rachel wanted to say somthing but had no recolection as to what. Words just didn't seem appropriate for the moment she had just shared with Quiin. So instead, she decided to do what any good Diva would and make a grand exit. After stealing one last kiss from Quinn, Rachel got up and headed for the steps. She gave Quinn a sad smile over her shoulder before descending down the porch steps and across the lawn in direction of home.

Quinn just sat there even though she wanted to get up and run after Rachel. She wanted to take the smaller girl in her arms, confess her love and ask to be in her life in New York. She didn't want what had just started to end but now it had. And boy did it hurt.

\---

Days later Quinn was lounging on her bed in her pyjamas (a tank top and a thin pair of sweatpants), watching YouTube on her computer resting on her lap. It was late, almost 11pm and though she was tired she didn't really feel sleepy. She thought about shutting the machine down and trying anyway but before she could make up her mind what to do, an incoming Skype call came. Quinn did a double take at the little icon that popped up on screen. She moved her finger on the mouse pad so the arrow was over the "accept" button but didn't click on it, glancing over at Stacey's sleeping figure instead as the call continued to ring unti it was canceled. As carefully and quietly as she could, Quinn pulled out her earbuds and set the computer on the bed then pulled the covers back, shifting so she was seated on the edge of her bed. She rolled her right pant leg up until it was bunched around her thigh and then picked her prostetic up from the floor to put it back on so she could go downstairs. Once it was on, she pushed her pant leg back down, and then picked up her computer before quietly making her way out of the room, out into the hall and then down the stairs.

As Quinn entered the kitchen she flicked on the light, then made herself comfortable sitting at the kitchen island. Once settled she opened up Skype and returned the call. Soon Rachel's beaming face took up the entirety of Quinn's screen.

_"Quinn! I didn't think you'd call back. When you didn't answer I thought maybe you were busy or had fallen asleep."_ Even though she was smiling and the inflection in her tone was happy, Quinn could see the bags that were starting to form under Rachel's eyes.

"What are you doing up so late?" Quinn asked with a worried frown. "Is everything okay? It's got to be 2AM there."

_"I know, I'm fine don't worry. I just couldn't sleep,"_ Rachel tried to assure her friend. There was a momentary pause where it looked like she wanted to say something else but didn't.

"Rachel?" Now it was Quinn's turn to hesitate. There were so many things she wanted to say. Like how she didn't think they'd talk again so soon after she just left. It'd only been three days. Or that she was sad that Rachel was gone and wanted her back. Or how she really missed kissing Rachel. She had no idea where to even begin to start but luckily for her, Rachel seemed to sense her unease and knew what to say.

_"How is everyone? How's Sam?"_

"Sam is good. Everyone else is good too. I...we...we all miss you." Quinn started blushing lightly at her near slip up. Would it really be so bad to tell Rachel that she missed her? After everything that'd happened before Rachel left, of course Quinn would miss her. They had just started reconnecting and were on the verge of something new. Still, she just couldn't bring herself to actually admit it to the pixled brunette on the screen in front of her.

_"I miss them too,"_ Rachel replied, a light blush of her own. There was a pause again but this time, Rachel chose to continue. _"I miss you."_

"You do?" Quinn asked, unable to believe her ears. Rachel nodded, smiling and Quinn couldn't help but smile with her. "I miss you too."

_"I know things got a little...complex between us before I left but that doesn't change how i feel about you. I want you in my life, Quinn. I want us to be friends."_

"I want that too."

_"And I think...maybe...maybe I....I don't know, honestly. I just know that whatever we started to become was good. It felt good to me at least."_ Rachel watched as Quinn's jaw dropped as Quinn took in her words.  _"I was wondering... Would you like to come to New York? I know you planned to spend your summer in Lima with your family and I don't want to take you away from them but maybe you could spare a couple of weeks?"_

"You want me to come to New York?" Quinn repeated. Her head was spinning. Surely this was a dream, it just had to be. She'd fallen asleep watching videos on her computer and would wake up any minute upstairs in her bed and it would all have just be one hopeful dream.

_"Only if you want to."_

"Yes! Of course, yes."

_"Great!"_ Rachel was practically glowing at Quinn's answer.  _"We'll talk tomorrow and set things up?"_ Quinn nodded.  _"I'm gong to try to sleep now. You should too._

"Yeah," Quinn agreed. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

_"Goodnight, Quinn."_

"Night, Rachel."

 ---

The next morning once everyone was up, she explained to them about the late night Skype call and Rachel's offer for her to come to New York.

"So it would only be for a week, maybe two. I'd still have the rest of the summer to spend with you guys. I just...I would really like to do this." Quinn finished.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans looked at each other from across the kitchen table.

"I think it's a good idea," Sam spoke up and Quinn gave him a greatful look. "It'll give you guys some time together and maybe being away from Lima will help you guys decide what you really mean to each other."

"Mary?" Mr. Evans asked his wife, wanting her opinion on the situation.

"I kind of have to agree with Sam," Mrs. Evans said. She would miss Quinn but if it helped her in the long run, either to find closure of the start or something new, far be it from her to get in the way. "You'll stay with Rachel?"Quinn nodded.

"If this is something you really want, then okay," Mr. Evans said.

Quinn was out of her seat and over to his side, giving him a huge hug from behind before she ran around the other side of the table to give Mrs. Evans an equally strong hug.

"Thank you, thank you both so much," Quinn told them, near tears. She still couldn't believe that they were being this accepting and supportive of her, even after all they had already done for her.

\---

Later that afternoon, Rachel and Quinn were back on Skype to settle details about Quinn's trip.

"So I'll leave tomorrow on a bus to LA and then get on the train to New York from there," Quinn explained. She'd already gotten her ticket, using some of the money she'd saved and the Evans' helped with the rest of the ticket cost.

_"Great! What time do I need to meet you at the station?"_ Rachel asked. She had pen in hand, ready to take down all of the imforation she needed.

"It'll take about three days to get there, so I should be there by Sunday evening around 7pm."

_"Okay, got it,"_ Rachel said as she wrote it down.  _"I'll get to the station early just in case."_

"I'll be sure to keep in touch during the trip, to let you know if anything changes." Quinn said and then started chuckling. "Man, I can't believe I'm coming to see you in New York."

_"Me either,"_ Rachel agreed.  _"I'll see you soon."_

"Yep," Quinn said with a nod. "See you in a few days."


	11. New York State of Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn arrives in New York for her vacation with Rachel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual Rachel sings in bold.
> 
> Hope you enjoy. And please ignore any mistakes. I'll do a read through and edit when I can.

It was 7:30pm Sunday night by the time Quinn got off the train and stepped foot officially into New York City. She had slept some during the long trip but was still exhausted from the ordeal. Despite that, she was also extremely excited and nervous.

Soon she had her luggage and was standing in awe of the magnificence that made up the train station. The architecture, the magnitude, the seemingly never-ending-ness. She knew that this was just the beginning of a wild new adventure. That all of New York would be made up of things this breathtaking and the most breathtaking of all of those would be seeing the star that was Rachel Berry shining in the element she had been created for.

"Quinn!"

Quinn turned her attention from the ceiling high above her to the voice calling her. That heavenly voice.

Then there was a giggle.

And Quinn had barely enough time to drop her bags before Rachel's form flung around her own, holding her close.

"Hi!" Quinn breathed, wrapping her arms around Rachel's waist to support her, as she lifted the smaller girl off her feet and into the air, doing a small twirl which only made Rachel giggle more.

"I can't believe you're here!" Rachel spoke through her latest laugh.

Quinn soon lowered her to the ground but neither of them moved from the others embrace. Time slowed around them as they held each other, Rachel's arms linked around Quinn's neck with Quinn's hands resting on her waist. It felt good. It felt like _home._

"Is it bad that I want to kiss you?" Quinn asked after several moments had passed of just staring into Rachel's eyes. She licked her lips, her gaze falling briefly down to Rachel's pink painted ones, before returning back to her eyes. "Because I really want to."

"No," Rachel said with a quick shake of the head and a brilliant smile. "It's not bad. I've been thinking about that ever since you said you'd visit."

"Really?"

"Mhm," Rachel hummed. And then they were kissing and it felt even better than the hug.

"Okay, kissing you officially has to be my new favorite thing," Quinn said once it had ended.

"I'll admit, it's also high on my list," Rachel agreed with a nod.

Eventually let let go of each other and Quinn picked up her discarded duffle bag. She was surprised when Rachel took her free hand in hers but was more than happy to oblige and together they walked out of the building and onto the street, hands swinging between them.

"What else is on your list?" Quinn inquired once they were outside.

"What makes you think I actually have a list?" Rachel asked, trying to hail down a cab with the hand that wasn't holding Quinn's. She was staring down the street so she missed the pointed look Quinn gave her in response.

"Maybe because you're Rachel Berry?"

"I might tell you," Rachel said, turning her attention to Quinn once she had finally flagged down a cab. "But some of the things on the list you'd be better off seeing for yourself."

Okay, Quinn was sure she was going crazy because that sounded an awful lot like Rachel was flirting with her. Which meant if it was an actual flirt, there was the possibility that Rachel was hinting to Quinn getting to _see something,_ and the thought of that stole Quinn's breath away. Literally. She actually stopped breathing for a second and didn't start again until Rachel tugged on her arm, trying to pull her towards the cab.

"Guess I'll just have to take your word for it," Quinn said, trying to sound as flirtatious(?) as Rachel, who opened the back door of the cab and let go of Quinn's hand to slide into the seat. Quinn joined her, after giving her bag to the driver who had gotten out and opened the trunk for her.

Once they were all settled inside, Rachel gave the driver her address and took Quinn's hand back into hers.

\---

"Wow, you have a great place," Quinn said as they walked into Rachel's loft apartment half an hour later.

"Thanks. A lot of the decorating was easy. Kurt and I managed to find some pretty awesome thrift shops to give it that Bohemian New York-chic."

"Speaking of Kurt, he's okay with me staying in his room right?" Quinn asked. When they were working out details of where Quinn would sleep, she was both greatly relieved and disappointed that she wasn't going to sleep in Rachel's room.

"Well technically it's not so much a "room" as it is a curtained off section of the loft but yes, he's perfectly fine with you sleeping there. He and Blaine are going to stay in Lima for a while to visit his dad and Carol so it's not like they'll  be using it any time soon." Rachel said, as she led Quinn through the apartment and into said "room".

Quinn put her bag down on the foot of the bed, and then the tour continued.

"Bathroom is through there," Rachel pointed in its direction. "Living room, kitchen. And here," she stopped in front of another curtained off area, "this is my room."

Quinn opened her mouth to speak but before any words could come out, a large yawn escaped.

"Sorry," Quinn murmured after.

"No, I'm sorry. I should have realized how tired you'd be after your trip. You probably want to get some rest."

"Actually I'm a little more hungry than tired," the blonde admitted.

"Do you want to go out to eat or stay in?" Rachel asked. When Quinn yawned again before she could answer, Rachel decided for her. "Okay, we're staying in." She was already pulling her phone from her skirt pocket. "How about an authentic, real New York pizza?"

"Sounds heavenly," Quinn said.

\---

"That. Was. So. Good." Quinn said, emphasizing each word as she sunk back into Rachel's couch, fully sated thanks to the pizza they'd ordered, which she had devoured a great portion of.

"I'm glad you liked it," Rachel said, smiling as she got up from her chair to start collecting dishes. When Quinn moved to follow suit, Rachel shook her head. "Nope. You're staying right there. You've had a lot trip and you're going to rest. I can handle this."

Quinn only nodded and watched as Rachel picked up their paper plates, throwing them into the empty pizza box before picking it up with one hand and then their cups in the other, carrying both into the kitchen. There was something so...heartwarming for Quinn to be watching Rachel doing something so mundane like placing the box into the garbage and the glasses into the sink. Being here in New York with her, miles away from Lima, Quinn could entertain the idea, if only for a moment, that this could be their life. That if things worked out between them, she could come home to this and then together they could do everyday mundane activities like dishes or taking our the trash or talking about their days.

"Quinn?" Rachel said, trying to get the blonde's attention. She'd asked her a question but noticed that Quinn was kind of zoned out.

"Huh? What?"

"I asked if you wanted to watch a movie before bed but I think I already know the answer," Rachel explained. She assumed that Quinn was out of it because she was tired from the trip, not because she was imagining what a life with her could be like. "We can just call it a night?"

"Yeah," Quinn nodded. She cleared her throat before getting off the couch, which took a bit of effort considering how full she was. "Do you mind if I take a shower before I go to bed? Get that travel feeling off me."

"Of course, help yourself." Rachel said, smiling. She went to get some fresh towels for Quinn, who headed into Kurt's room to get her toiletries and night clothes from her bag. They met outside the bathroom door, where Rachel handed off the towels before Quinn slipped inside.

Rachel stayed at the door in case Quinn needed anything until she finally heard Quinn get into the shower. Then her thoughts were assaulted with the fact that Quinn was now in her apartment and currently naked in her shower. Those particularly thoughts Rachel just wasn't yet equipped to deal with, so she quickly left Quinn to do her thing in the bathroom and disappeared into her own room.

Deciding that it was time to get ready for bed too, Rachel changed out of her clothes and into a pair of boy shorts and a black tank. The rest of her nightly routine, like brushing her teeth and washing her face she'd have to wait for Quinn to be done with the bathroom first. Again, thoughts of Quinn in the shower bombarded her mind so Rachel grabbed her laptop off the end of her bed and sat down, opening up her computer. Once it was booted up, she headed online to check some of her favourite Broadway blogs until she could get into the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later the bathroom door opened and Quinn stepped out. She saw that Rachel's curtain was closed, so she headed straight for Kurt's room, pulling the curtain behind herself as she entered. Setting her dirty clothes and towel on the floor, she moved her bag from the bed and sat down. The shower had done wonders for her and she felt more human again but even more exhausted than before, thanks to the hot water loosening some of the tension in her muscles that traveling had caused.

Pulling up the right leg of her gray pajama bottoms, Quinn started to undo the holdings of her prosthetic when the curtain pulled back.

"Quinn I---Oh god, sorry!" Rachel gasped, turning around quickly once she saw what Quinn was in the midst of doing.

"Rachel, I..." There was nothing Quinn could say. She could only redo the strap and haphazardly shove her pant leg down.

"I'm sorry, I should have announced my presence before coming in. I didn't mean to invade your privacy," Rachel apologized, back still turned to Quinn to give her privacy.

"It's fine," Quinn assured although it most definitely wasn't. She hated her prosthetic. Almost as much as she hated the man who had caused her to have it. So now to have Rachel see it made Quinn want to throw up all that delicious pizza she was still digesting.

"No it's not fine," Rachel said. She gave a quick glance over her shoulder to check on Quinn and once she saw the other girl had her leg covered back up, did she turn around. "I'm sorry, Quinn."

"You've nothing to apologize for," Quinn said. This time there was a little more sincerity to her words but she was still freaked out and pissed that Rachel had seen that...that... _thing._

"Quinn?"

"What?"

"Can..." Rachel started, wringing her hands together in front of her with her eyes downcast. "I was wondering...Never mind. I'm sorry."

"You want to see it." Quinn stated knowingly. Of course she did. Everyone did. That was another thing Quinn hated the most. The curiosity that her prosthetic brought.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said again, finally looking up at Quinn who looked away. Rachel needed to fix this. She stepped into the room and over to the bed, sitting down next to Quinn. When their thighs touched, Rachel's left to Quinn's right, she wasn't surprised when Quinn shifted away so their was space between them but she still was a little hurt. Even more so when Quinn still refused to look at her. "Please look at me Quinn."

Reluctantly, Quinn did so.

"I don't know what you went through or are going through," Rachel said, reaching out to lay her hand on Quinn's. "Losing a part of my body... I just can't imagine how difficult it is and how much pain you've had to endure because of it but please believe me Quinn, I don't care about your prosthetic. Yes, I'm curious to see it but not because reasons you might think. Whether you like it or not, it's a part of you Quinn and I want to get to know _all_ the parts of you." She pulled her hand away once she was done, resting both hers in her own lap as she waited for Quinn to make the next move.

"You'll think I'm a freak," Quinn said in a hushed tone.

"What? No! Of course not! I would never, Quinn. Why would you even think that?"

"Maybe because I am?" Quinn scoffed. She hated herself, who she'd become since the accident, and a part of her was scared that Rachel would come to hate her too if she the prosthetic or worse, her without it. That Rachel would realize that she wasn't a whole person anymore.

"Quinn Fabray, you are no more of a freak than I am," Rachel tried to assure her friend.

Rachel got to her feet and moved to stand in front of Quinn, then started to sing "Loser Like Me".

**Yeah, you may think that I'm a zero**  
**But, hey, everyone you wanna be**  
**Probably started off like me**  
**You may say that I'm a freak show (I don't care)**  
**But, hey, give it just a little time**  
**I bet you're gonna change your mind**

"Okay, okay," Quinn said with a weak smile at the song that they'd sung at Regionals.

Rachel stopped singing and returned to her seat on the bed next to Quinn.

"Promise you won't laugh or anything?" Quinn asked. The look she earned from Rachel quickly had her apologizing. "Sorry it's just..."

"I get it," Rachel assured. "You don't have to. When you're ready, you will." She kissed Quinn's cheek, letting her lips linger for a few moments before she stood up again. "Goodnight, Quinn." With that she left the room, pulling the curtain behind her.

"Night Rachel."

\---

Quinn woke the following morning to the smell of fresh coffee being brewed. She opened her eyes and her gaze fell onto the alarm clock on the nightstand next to the bed. It was only 8:15am. She wasn't sure if Rachel was the one who had started the coffee or if she was even up, and thought about trying for a few more hours rest, but decided that it was as good a time as any to start the day.

After dressing, Quinn left her room and at the same time, the bathroom door opened, revealing Rachel fresh out of the shower and only wearing a towel.

"Oh Quinn! Hi."

"Hi..." Quinn mumbled, keeping her eyes on everything but Rachel's nearly naked form. This meant she missed Rachel's amused smirk.

"I'm going to get dressed," Rachel said as she headed to her room. She didn't stop talking though. "I have to meet up with my agent at 9:30 but after that I'm free for the rest of the day."

"Okay," Quinn called out, going to the kitchen. It took her a few moments to find where the dishes were and pulled down to cups to pour her and Rachel both some coffee.

Rachel emerged from her room, thankfully now dressed and joined Quinn.

"Thanks," she said when Quinn held out her cup. She took a sip, appreciating the warmth and taste. "So I was thinking after my meeting we could go sightseeing."

"Okay," Quinn agreed. "Like where?"

"Well there's Central Park and Time's Square. Statue of Liberty. Oh! There's the Tiffany and Co store from "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Kurt and I went there and had breakfast. Speaking of which, would you like an egg white omelette?" When Quinn scrunched her nose at the offer, Rachel frowned. "What?"

"Nothing. I'll stick with the coffee thanks," Quinn said and then took a sip.

"Suit yourself," Rachel said. She then went about getting everything she needed to make her usual breakfast. "Since you're not eating now we should go to lunch. There's this great diner called the Spotlight Diner. It's where a lot of actors work and they occasionally will do performances."

"Tell you what," Quinn said as she moved to lean back against the counter next to the stove so she and Rachel could look at each other while they talked. "How about I run around the neighborhood, take a look around, and we can meet at the diner when you're done?"

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked, looking up from her pan. "You won't get lost?"

"I've got Google Maps on my phone and I got into Yale. I think between that and my smarts I'll be fine."

"Okay," Rachel conceded. "I'll text you the address after breakfast."

"Great. It's a date then. Not a date date, I mean. I wouldn't take you to some diner on a date. Not that we're going on a date. I'm shutting up now." Quinn stopped rambling and occupied her mouth by drinking more of her coffee.

Rachel just gave her and amused smile as she turned off the stove and plated her food.

\---

Around 11am Rachel texted Quinn that she was finally through her meeting and that she was headed for the diner.

Quinn beat her there, having been closer thanks to get wandering around.

"Hi, welcome to the Spotlight Diner. Table for one?" A blonde waitress greeted Quinn once she was through the door.

"Two, actually. I'm meeting someone."

"Two it is," the waitress said. She grabbed two menus and then preceded to lead Quinn to a booth." Once Quinn was seated, she handed over her menu and placed the other one the table. "So what can I get you to drink?"

"I'll have a Diet Pepsi."

"Great.  Be right back with that," the waitress said with a smile.

While she was gone Quinn perused the menu to figure out what she wanted. She'd gotten a bagel while she was exploring but didn't know what Rachel's typical day was like and wasn't sure when they'd get around to dinner, so she decided that a classic cheeseburger and fries was the right choice. 

A few minutes later Rachel arrived. 

"Hey, sorry I'm late," she said, slipping into the booth across from Quinn. 

"You're not late," Quinn assured. "I was already in the area. How'd your meeting go?"

At the mention of her meeting,  Rachel started beaming. 

"I have an audition."

"Really? For what?"

"Fanny Brice! They're reviving "Funny Girl "!"

"Oh my God, Rachel!" Quinn gasped in astonishment. "That's been your dream role since I've known you!"

"It's been my dream role forever!" Rachel said, still beaming and absolutely beautiful. At least Quinn thought so.

"Hey Rach! I didn't know you were coming," the waitress said as she returned with Quinn's drink and saw Rachel. 

"Hi Dani," Rachel said, still smiling so hard her face was beginning to ache but she couldn't stop.

"What's got you all smiles today?" Dani asked.

"I'm auditioning for "Funny Girl"!" Rachel told her.

"Dude! That's amazing!" Dani said, high-fiving Rachel. 

Quinn watched on with a frown, not sure what to make of what was happening in front of her. She only knew she didn't like it.

"Thanks," Rachel replied. 

"So, usual?" Dani asked, ready to jot down the order on her pad.

"Yes please."

"And you?" Dani asked Quinn. 

"Oh! Where are my manners?" Rachel said, realizing Quinn was probably confused by what was going on. Which she was. But she was also annoyed by it. "Dani this is my friend Quinn. Quinn, Dani."

"Hi there," Dani said, extending her hand to shake Quinn's. 

"Hi," Quinn mumbled, reluctantly shaking Dani's hand.

"Rachel's told me a lot about you."

"Really?" Quinn asked, more confused than before.

"Yep." Dani smiled.

"Yo, Dani! This ain't social hour," called out a man from behind the counter,  Dani's boss Gunther. 

"Okay!" She hollered back before apologizing. "Sorry. What can I get you,  Quinn?"

"Cheeseburger and fries."

"Great. I'll be back with your iced tea, Rachel. Extra lemons." With that,  Dani left to go place their orders and get Rachel's drink.

"So how do you two know each other?" Quinn asked, sounding only a bit jealous. 

"She's friends with me and Kurt. We eat here a lot," Rachel replied. She caught onto the jealousy in Quinn's tone. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Quinn lied.

"Quinn..."

"I don't know," Quinn sighed. "It's just weird. I mean,  I knew you had friends in New York but it's strange meeting one of them. When i think of you and friends, all I can picture are our friends back home." Quinn quickly realized how that sounded and added, "Not that you shouldn't have other friends or new friends. I just---"

"Quinn," Rachel cut her off.

"Yeah?"

"It's fine. I get it." She assured. "It was weird making new friends, I can admit that."

"Sorry," Quinn murmured. 

"You don't have to apologize," Rachel said with a chuckle.

Dani returned after that with Rachel's drink and a small plate with extra lemon slices. She dropped both off with a wink to Rachel, before disappearing again to tend to another table.

Quinn frowned again at that. She decided in that moment she didn't trust this Dani person.

"So how was your morning?" Rachel asked as she squeezed the extra lemons into her tea.

"It was fine," Quinn replied with a shrug. "Rode the subway a couple times, did some people watching. I've seen the weirdest shit on the trains."

"Welcome to the New York subway," Rachel laughed.

They chatted idly about different topics until their food came.

"One cheeseburger, " Dani said, placing Quinn's food in front of her, then set Rachel's down. "And one veggie burger. Guys need anything else?"

"I'm good," Quinn said rather dismissively. Dani wasn't phased at all by her tone. 

"I think we're fine," Rachel replied. 

"Just gimme a shout if you do," Dani said and then left them again. 

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked Quinn once they were alone.

"Fine," Quinn lied.

Rachel let it go. For now.


	12. Teenage Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a day of sightseeing, unpredictable things happen back at the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sincerest apologies for not having updated in quite some time. I've moved recently and had to get some affairs in order before I could focus my attention on this story again. I hope you're still interested and I'll be doing my best to have more frequent updates from here on out.

It was early evening by the time they returned to Rachel's loft after their day of sightseeing. They went to the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building before wandering around Time's Square for a while, then taking in the scenery of Central Park.

"I never really realized how big this city was," Quinn said, flopping down onto Rachel's couch.

"Yeah, it's amazing. I've lived here a year and there are still places I've yet to discover. I think you could live your whole life in New York and never see all of it," Rachel agreed as she joined Quinn on the couch.

A comfortable silence fell over them next but Rachel's mind was still going. She had been waiting for the right time to bring up what had happened at lunch with Quinn about Dani, but hadn't had a chance to during their day out. Now that they were home, with no distractions, Rachel felt it was time to get the answers.

"Hey Quinn..."

"Yeah?"

"Why were you so dismissive towards Dani today?"

"I don't now what you're talking about," Quinn lied. She got to her feet and headed into the kitchen to get a bottle of water from the fridge, wanting to put some distance between her and Rachel and hopefully the topic too, as well as buy her a bit of time to come up with something other than the truth.

 "Quinn..." Rachel sighed, getting up to follow the blonde. "We're friends, right? Friends can talk about anything."

 "There's nothing to talk about Rachel," Quinn said, closing the fridge door. 

"Quinn..." Rachel sighed again.

"I just don't like her okay?" Quinn snapped without meaning to. "Sorry," she apologized quickly.

"Why don't you like her?" Rachel pressed.

"Seriously?" Quinn asked. "Did you not see how she was flirting with you?" When Rachel started laughing, Quinn frowned. "What's so funny?"

"Quinn," Rachel wheezed between laughs. "Dani wasn't flirting with me."

"It sure as hell seemed like it to me," Quinn huffed, crossing her arms.

"Quinn Fabray, are you jealous?" Rachel asked. Her laughter stopped but Quinn could see the amusement still in her eyes.

"No..." she lied. Rachel stepped forward until there was less than an inch of space between her and Quinn. She then took the water bottle from the blonde and set it on the counter next to them, so she was free to take both of Quinn's hands into hers. "What are you doing?"

"Do you trust me?" Rachel asked, staring into Quinn's eyes.

"You know I do."

"Then trust me when I say that Dani wasn't flirting with me and even if she was, I'm not interested in her."

"So who are you interested in?" Quinn asked before her brain realized what her mouth was saying.

"I think you know," Rachel husked.

Quinn gulped. She had never seen this look from Rachel before. It made Quinn feel like she was prey and Rachel was the hunter, closing in on the kill. It excited and terrified the blonde all at once.

"Rachel...I..." Thankfully for Quinn the moment was interrupted by her phone ringing. Reluctantly, Rachel moved from Quinn's personal space to allow the blonde room to dig the item out of her pocket and answer. "Hello?"

_"Hey. How's things in New York?"_ It was Sam and if she could, Quinn would have either kissed him for offering a distraction from whatever was happening between her and Rachel or strangled him. She wasn't quite sure because she wasn't quite sure what the hell was going on with Rachel nor what she was about to do.

"Hey. There good." Quinn replied, voice slightly hitched. She watched as Rachel made herself busy puttering around the kitchen, doing this and that.

_"Are you okay?"_

"Yeah, yeah, fine," Quinn assured.

_"Uh-huh. Did I interrupt something?"_

"Kinda but it's okay, really. What's up?"

_"Not much. Just missed you and wanted to see how things were. If you're busy I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing."_ Quinn could hear some apprehension in Sam's voice. " _T_ _ell Rachel hi for me."_

"I will. Tell everyone I love and miss them." After that they hung up and Quinn pocketed her phone once again. "Sam says hi."

"How is he?" Rachel asked. She was standing in front of the open fridge trying to figure out what to make for dinner.

"Good. Listen...about earlier..." Rachel closed the refrigerator door, turning to look at Quinn as she spoke. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"About?" Rachel questioned, an eyebrow raised.

"You're going to make me say it aren't you?" Quinn asked, cringing at the thought of actually voicing her feelings.

"Say what?" Rachel asked, this time a small smirk playing on her lips.

"I was jealous, okay?" Quinn said after sighing heavily through her nose.

"I can't exactly blame you. I mean, Dani is pretty hot," Rachel teased with a full blown smirk.

"You're not going to let me live this down are you?" Quinn asked exasperated, to which Rachel simply shook her head. It was annoying and endearing all at once for Rachel to be teasing her about being jealous with Dani but you really couldn't blame Quinn for feeling that way. Rachel had a year to establish a life in New York. A life that Quinn had nothing to do with because she had chosen self imposed exile rather than dealing with her feelings regarding Rachel and the crash. Now here she was, in Rachel's life, staying in her apartment but the blonde had no idea what they were to each other. They had yet to really define anything. "Seeing you and Dani together and not knowing exact what you and I are... yeah, I got jealous."

"You want to know what we are to each other?" Rachel asked, all teasing gone and fully serious now. Quinn nodded. Rachel stepped closer to Quinn until they were in the same positions they'd been in before Sam interrupted, with Rachel in Quinn's personal space, gazing up at the blonde with lust shining brightly in her brown orbs. The look was enough to stop Quinn's heart.

"What are you doing?" Quinn gulped, eyes darting down to Rachel's lips before going back to staring into her eyes.

"You wanted an answer didn't you?" Rachel asked, voice low and breathy.

"Yeah, but..." Quinn's sentence was cut short by Rachel's lips pressing against hers. And then there was a quick swipe of Rachel's tongue over Quinn's bottom lip and Quinn's brain completely stopped functioning because of the feeling. It sent a bolt of electricity up and down her spine.

Rachel smiled into the kiss and then repeated the action, enjoying seeing the reaction it caused in Quinn as she took another teasing lick the her lip.

Then something snapped inside Quinn and before either girl realized what was happening, Quinn had Rachel backed into the counter opposite them and hooked the brunette's legs, lifting her up until she was seated on the counter, never breaking the kiss. Rachel's legs wrapped around Quinn's waist, trapping her as the kiss started becoming a frenzy of lips, tongue and teeth against one another.

Quinn's hands found the small of Rachel's back but it wasn't enough, she needed more. She needed to be touching Rachel, skin on skin and haphazardly pulled Rachel's shirt out from her skirt, sliding her hands up and down Rachel's spine once she had enough room to slip them inside. She felt Rachel quiver against her and smirked into the kiss, her fingers digging into the small of Rachel's back.

Going into this Rachel thought she'd be able to remain in control but she was quickly losing that battle. Feeling Quinn's long, slender fingers massaging loose the knot in her lower back made Rachel wonder what else those fingers could do if they were in other places.

"Quinn..." Rachel gasped, breaking the kiss when the need for air became too much. Quinn didn't give her much recovery time before they were kissing again and Rachel's previously idle hands slid down Quinn's sides, fingers hooking the belt loops of Quinn's jeans to pull her closer, pressing their bodies even more together.

When it was Quinn's turn to break the kiss to take a breath, Rachel kept her mouth busy by kissing, sucking and nibbling on Quinn's neck.

"Rachel what...." Quinn gasped, swallowing in a deep breath. "What are we do _-oh-_ ing?"

"Making out, I thought that seemed obvious," Rachel teased, lips still moving up and down Quinn's neck.

"Yeah but... _oh fuck,_ " Quinn lost her train of thought when Rachel started sucking on her pulse point. "I...you... _oh._ "

"Quinn, you're talking too much," Rachel pointed out, thinking that there was a better use for Quinn's mouth in that moment.

"You're right," Quinn agreed. Much to Rachel's dismay, Quinn moved her hands out from under Rachel's shirt to fist them into the brunette's long luxurious locks and pull her head up so they could kiss again.

Neither girl could tell you how long they were kissing like that for. Everything around them faded out into static as they could only focus on the feel of each other's lips and their bodies pressed together. Rachel moved her arms to wrap around Quinn's neck and she could feel the goosebumps starting to dot her flesh under her hands. Nothing seemed to exist except for them and they only seemed to exist for this, to be kissing one another.

Unfortunately the moment was unceremoniously ruined by the loud, audible growling of Quinn's stomach.

"You've got to be kidding me," Quinn groaned in embarrassment, resting her forehead against Rachel's as they ended their latest heated kiss. She was finally getting to live her dream of making out with Rachel and her stupid stomach had to go and ruin it.

"Are you hungry?" Rachel asked, chuckling softly. Though truth be told she was a little sad that the moment was gone.

"No," Quinn lied but her stomach said otherwise as it rumbled loudly again. "Okay, maybe. Sorry."

"It's okay," Rachel assured. She gave Quinn one last quick kiss before gently pushing her back to she could slide off the counter. She took a moment to compose herself by brushing her hair back and tucking her shirt back in, before she headed over to the fridge and started her search again to find something to cook for the two of them.

\---

After dinner Quinn did the dishes and cleaned up. Then the two disappeared into their rooms to change into their pajamas before settling in on the couch to watch a movie together. It was an Indie French Romantic Comedy in subtitles that Rachel swore was all the rage now.

Quinn did her best to keep her focus on what was playing out on the screen in front of them but even with straight A's in French at both McKinley and Yale, the plot went unbeknownst to her. All she could focus on was having made out with Rachel earlier. She had no idea where things were headed had they not been interrupted by her growling stomach and as eager as she was to find out in that moment, now that she had time to reflect on the situation, she was terrified more so. She hadn't been intimate with anyone in over two years, way before the accident. In fact, Sam was the last person she had any sort of sexual contact with. She hadn't even been masturbating much in the last year because of what happened. Every time she'd try to get into the mood the constant reminder of what she'd lost in the crash kept her from getting very far.

But less than an hour and a half ago with Rachel things seemed like they were headed somewhere Quinn wanted but now wasn't sure she could handle. She wanted to be with Rachel that way in theory but in actual reality she was frightened. Frightened of what Rachel would think seeing her with the prosthetic or worse, her without it. That Rachel would see that she's not the person that Rachel thinks she is.

"Hey," Rachel said, interrupting the brooding Quinn was doing next to her on the couch.

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Quinn lied. She tried to turn her attention back to the movie but Rachel wasn't having it.

"Is it because of earlier?"

"Rachel..." Quinn sighed. She wanted her to drop it but she knew Rachel and knew that she wouldn't just let this go. "Yes."

"I'm sorry," Rachel apologized sincerely. In the heat of the moment things had gotten a little crazier than Rachel had intended but by all indications Quinn had been into everything. Now she seemed distant and Rachel was worried that she'd overstepped and ruined whatever they were. "I didn't mean for things to get so...intense."

"Rachel, no. It's not because...I mean..." Quinn sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair. "I liked kissing you. I liked what we were doing."

"So what's the problem?" Rachel asked, clearly not understanding. If they were both on the same page, why was Quinn acting so standoffish?

"There's no problem," Quinn tried to assure her. Before Quinn knew what was happening, Rachel made a swift move and was now straddling the blonde's waist. "Rachel, what are you doing?"

"If there's no problem, then there's no reason why we can't continue where we left off right?" Rachel asked, fingers playing with the hem of Quinn's top. Quinn sucked in a breath as those fingers dipped inside her top and started tracing random patterns on her stomach.

"Rachel..."

Rachel didn't let Quinn say anything else as she leaned in and started kissing her again with the same passion that she had earlier in the kitchen. Quinn's body acted of its own accord as her hands found Rachel's ass, holding her close and her lips parted for Rachel's talented tongue.

"Still no problem?" Rachel breathed against Quinn's lips.

"Problem?" Quinn echoed. Her head was spinning from that kiss and from the body heat radiating off of Rachel's bare legs that were pressed to either side of Quinn's, that she could feel through her thin pajama pants. God bless the inventor of boy shorts.

"Should I take that as a yes or no?" Rachel smirked, leaning back to take in Quinn who was staring blankly up at her.

"No. Yes?" Quinn grunted in frustration. "Just kiss me."

"I don't know," Rachel hummed making Quinn grunt again. The Broadway Diva could only smirk as she leaned back in to recapture Quinn's lips in a searing kiss.

When Rachel took a soft nip at Quinn's upper lip, the blonde's hips jerked upward of their own accord, causing both girls to gasp at the sudden pressure. This time Quinn looked up at Rachel wide eyed and the fear that had that had been momentarily pushed aside by lust, came creeping back from the recesses of her mind.

"Sorry!" Quinn gasped, breathing heavily from the kiss and the sensation of Rachel's weight resting on top of her.

"It's okay," Rachel assured, a little wide eyed herself.

"Rachel..." Quinn began hesitantly.

"Hey," Rachel said, gently cupping Quinn's face between her hands. "If you want to stop just say so." Her tone was so gentle that it almost made tears come to Quinn's eyes.

"I'm sorry," Quinn apologized again, moving her hands from Rachel's behind, letting them fall loosely at her sides.

"You don't have to apologize," Rachel said in that same gentle tone. She slowly leaned in and gave Quinn one final chaste kiss, before she rolled off of her and back into the couch. "Huh, look at that the movies over." She said, realizing that the movie had ended sometime during their second make out session and now the credits were rolling. She reached over to the coffee table and picked up the remote, clicking the TV off. She then turned her attention back to Quinn. "I'm going to bed, okay?"

"Yeah okay," Quinn said, sitting up straight with a nod. Bed sounded like a good idea. Separate rooms. Create some space. "Goodnight."

"Night."

Quinn watched Rachel get up and head into her room, waiting until the other girl was out of sight before she took off like a bat out of hell into her own room, pulling the curtains roughly shut behind her.

"Oh my god," Quinn muttered to herself, scrubbing her face with her hands as she moved towards the bed. She sat down and flicked on the night table lamp, illuminating the small area. "What the hell just happened?" She couldn't believe the turn of events. "Okay, take a breath." She inhaled deeply through her nose, holding it for a few seconds before she let it out slowly through her mouth.

Feeling a bit more centered, Quinn laid flat on her back on the bed, hands clasped on her stomach as she stared up at the ceiling, replaying everything that had happened tonight between her and Rachel. Grinning madly, Quinn rolled over onto her side and reached out to turn off the light. It took some maneuvering after that but she managed to get her prosthetic off and set it on the side of the bed, before shimmying under the covers, pulling them up tight around her.

\---

Rachel bolted upright in her bed, heart beating wildly. It took a second for the noise that had startled her awake to register and when it did, she realized it was hysterical sobbing coming from across the apartment.

"Quinn!" Rachel gasped, throwing back her blankets as she rushed out of bed and into Quinn's room. She froze momentarily seeing Quinn's sleeping from, thrashing and crying out in the midst of her nightmare. Then she snapped to it and was at Quinn's beside in the blink of an eye, one arm wrapping around the blonde's waist to old her still and the other brushing back her sweat slicked hair. "Quinn, hey wake up."

It took several tries for Rachel to finally get Quinn to come to and when she did, she sat upright so fast that she nearly knocked Rachel off the bed. Her eyes were wild, darting all around the room as she tried to take in the unfamiliar scenery, gasping greedily for hair. There was a ringing in her ears but as it faded, she began to hear Rachel's voice trying to soothe her and that's when the room came into focus and Quinn's eyes fell on Rachel, realizing that she was there and that it wasn't her voice echoing from the nightmare.

"Rachel."

"Yeah, it's me," Rachel said gently, still brushing back Quinn's hair. "You were having a nightmare."

"Tell me about it," Quinn scoffed, pulling back to sit up straight against the headboard.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rachel offered, reaching out to take Quinn's right hand into her own.

"No, I'm okay." Quinn was lying and Rachel  knew it but she didn't press.

"Try to get some sleep okay? I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks," Quinn said genuinely. Rachel moved so she could shift positions until she was laying down again.

Through the faint silver glint of moonlight shinning through the bedroom window, Quinn watched as Rachel turned and headed for the curtains but stop, hands grasping onto the fabric. "Rachel?" Quinn asked, unsure why she stopped. Slowly Rachel turned back around and looked at Quinn for several long moments before she walked back over to the bed and then around to the other side, laying down behind Quinn. She circled her arms firmly around Quinn's waist, pulling the other girl into her so her front was pressing into Quinn's back. "What are you doing?"

"Going to sleep," Rachel replied, nose nuzzling against the nape of Quinn's neck.

The toll of the nightmare had taken too much out of Quinn for her to argue their positions or the fact that Rachel was wanting to sleep with her in bed. Normally after a nightmare she would have turned to Sam but he was literally across the country but Rachel's presence $in that moment, with Rachel's arms around her and her breath against Quinn's neck every time she exhaled, Quinn felt safe.

"Goodnight Rachel," Quinn sighed happily, closing her eyes.

"Goodnight Quinn."


	13. I Want Something Just Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel has "Funny Girl" jitters but Quinn knows what to do to help.

Quinn woke bright and early the next morning, rising out of bed as dawn broke through the darkness of the room, basking it in soft ethereal light. For the first time in longer than she cared to remember, Quinn felt rested and rejuvenated. Having Rachel sleeping with her, wrapped up in the comforting warm embrace, made her feel safer than she had in years.

Smiling over her shoulder, Quinn studied the still sleeping girl. The soft glow of golden light from the window caused a halo to form around the other girl's hair, making her a sight to behold. Quinn always thought Rachel was beautiful, even when she was going through what only could be described as an ugly Christmas sweater look, but in that moment she was the most beautiful thing Quinn had ever seen.

Reinvigorated, Quinn slipped on her prosthetic with no problem and then quietly went about gathering an outfit for the day and her bathroom stuff, before she snuck out of the room and into the bathroom to get ready. Once she was done, she returned to the room and scribbled out a note for Rachel once she woke.

 Taking in one last moment to drink in the in the sight before her, Quinn left the room and apartment.

\---

 Rachel rolled over omto her back, her arms wide with a yawn, stretching her body in the process. When she opened her eyes she turned her head, expecting to greet a certain sleeping blonde but was only met with empty space.

"Quinn?" She called, waiting for an answer that didn't come. She listened for sounds in the kitchen or the bathroom but only heard the soft hum of the city staring its day.

As Rachel turned to get out of bed but something on Quinn's pillow caught her eye and that's when she noticed the note with her name on it. Picking it up, Rachel flipped it open and read.

_"Rachel-_

_Running an errand real quick. Don't go anywhere, I'll be home soon."_

Rachel wasn't sure what had her heart fluttering faster than a hummingbird's wings more; the fact that Quinn referred to the apartment as home or the heart at the bottom of the page. Either way, she was grinning from ear to ear and that smile lasted as she laid back down and drifted off to sleep again.

When she woke up the second time it was Quinn's voice pulling her from slumber.

"Rachel? I'm back!"

"I'm here," she called out with a yawn, sitting up in bed. Quinn entered the room carrying a bag in one hand and a drink tray in the other, wearing a smile that bore similar to the one Rachel had after reading the note. "Morning. What's that?"

"Breakfast," Quinn replied. She kicked off her shoes before joining Rachel in bed. She set the tray on the nightstand, then handed Rachel hers drink, before digging around in the bag. Rachel watched with a smile, taking a sip of her coffee. 

"You didn't have to do this Quinn," she said, even though she appreciated the gesture, thinking it was adorable and romantic. 

"Actually I did," Quinn said, pulling out different pastries and setting them on napkins on the bed. She took a second to pause, looking over at Rachel. "What you did last night, coming to my aid and staying by my side... I felt safe. I felt like for that one moment I wasn't broken. Like I was the old me. Not the raging bitch, the me that was confident and headstrong."

"I think you mean stubborn," Rachel teased.

"Okay, sometimes," Quinn lamented with a smile. "I just wanted to say thank you. Hence, breakfast." She splayed out her hands, gesturing to the pastries.

Rachel set her coffee aside, taking Quinn's face in her now empty hands and leaned forward, kissing her slowly. It was the only thing that felt right in response to all that Quinn said and done.

"What was that for?" Quinn asked once the kiss ended.

"For you being you," Rachel replied, smiling.

Quinn smiled back before kissing her again.

\---

After breakfast Rachel convinced Quinn to help her prep for her "Funny Girl" audition coming up. They went through nearly the entire thing before Quinn called a time out.

"Rachel you've literally known every line to this since you were five years old. You got this."

"Yes but have you forgotten I choked at my NYADA audition and I knew that too! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me. There's no way I'm going in there unprepared." Rachel said, flipping through the script in hand. "Okay let's start with the-"

"No." Quinn objected. Rachel looked up from her script, slowly blinking in response to Quinn. 

"Excuse me?"

"I said no," Quinn repeated, setting her copy of the script on the coffee table and she stood, moving over to Rachel who was standing at the other end of the couch. "We've been going through this all morning. You need a break, otherwise you're going to go crazy."

"Quinn, I can't possibly-"

"Hey," Quinn said, interrupting Rachel again. She took the script from her, tossing it aside as well, so she could take Rachel's hands in hers. "Look at me. You're Rachel Berry. You're a star. You've rised above every obstacle you've come across and conquered them all. Now you'll go out there and nail that audition because that's what you do."

Tears instantly welled in Rachel's eyes and she tried to blink them away but they fell to no avail. Quinn's words were exactly what she needed to hear. She needed that reminder of who she truly was and the only other person who was able to instill that confidence back in her was Finn. He knew exactly what to say and when to say it.

"Rachel?" Quinn said hesitantly, making her name a question as she saw the tears. She let go of Rachel's hands and took a step back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"No," Rachel whispered, trying to hold back her tears and regain her composure. "You didn't upset me. It's just the only other person to ever say things like that when I needed it was Finn."

"Oh." Quinn wasn't sure what to say to that. A rush of guilt washed over her as she thought about Finn. Here she was, making out with Rachel, getting her breakfast and helping her rehearse. It was everything that he should have been doing but he was gone and now here she was. "Rachel,  I---" Now it was Rachel's turn to interrupt. 

"If you're going to apologize, you don't have to." Rachel assured. "I'm not sad because Finn isn't here. I mean, I am and there's a part of me that will always be sad, but letting it control my life isn't going to bring him back."

"So you aren't mad at me for being here instead of him?" There was a vulnerability in Quinn's eyes that Rachel had never seen before. 

"No," she stated firmly, taking Quinn's hands into hers. "I'm happy you're here with me. I  don't know if I could have done this without you." She paused momentarily before adding teasingly, "Besides, Finn probably would have thought us together was hot."

"Yeah,  probably," Quinn chuckled, feeling a bit of relief. "Not nearly as much as Puck, though." Rachel giggled at that.

"Yeah, if Puck knew he'd probably want proof."

"Do you want anyone to know?" Quinn asked without thinking. Rachel only shrugged and Quinn pulled her hands back.

"I don't know. I mean, Kurt and Blaine kind of already know because I've talked to them about you."

"Yeah I figured."

"And you've probably talked to Sam," Rachel said and Quinn nodded. "We should probably figure out what we are to each other first."

"I thought it was kinda obvious, with Santana's outburst and all," Quinn said, trying to make light of the topic.

"Are you in love with me, Quinn?" Rachel took in a deep breath, looking Quinn square in the eyes.

"Yes," it was out before Quinn even realized what she'd said.

"I don't know if I'm in love with you," Rachel said honestly. The look of sadness on Quinn's features broke her heart. "But I do know that I love you as a friend and that my feelings for you otherwise are growing more each day."

"So, what does that mean, exactly?" Quinn asked, trying not to sound too hopeful. 

"It means I like you and I want to see where this," Rachel waved a hand between them, "goes. And I think the first order of that is a proper first date."

"Are you asking me out?" Quinn asked, grinning. 

"Of course not. You're going to ask me out."

"Oh I am?" Quinn cocked an eyebrow. Rachel nodded. "Okay. Rachel, would you like to go to dinner with me tomorrow night?" Rachel pretended to think over the offer.

"I'd love to," she answered with a smile. 

\---

It was Wednesday night and in less than an hour Quinn was going to take Rachel on their first date. When she packed for New York, Quinn hadn't thought that this would actually happen and thus, didn't pack anything that was truly date worthy so earlier in the day she went shopping for an outfit.  At the store she was convinced it was the perfect choice but now back at the apartment she was second guessing herself.

It was wearing and navy pan suit with a black spaghetti strap top. It was a far cry from the brightly colored sun dresses and cardigans she wore in high school when she wasn't living in her Cheerios uniform. But she wasn't that girl anymore and was still struggling to really find her new style. 

She was so nervous and wanted this to go perfect for Rachel because she deserved it after everything she'd been through. In a weird way Quinn's nervousness was because of Finn. He may not have been the brightest guy in the world but he was caring and a true romantic. She'd listened to countless stories back in high school, sitting in the choir room with everyone as Rachel told Kurt all about the sweet and romantic things Finn was always doing to surprise her. It's was a lot to live up to.

Fixing her lapel with one final tug, Quinn looked at the clock on the table. Less than twenty minutes had passed since the last time she'd checked and Quinn was sure time was purposefully going as slow as molasses to torture her.

When the Uber finally showed up, Quinn gave herself one more look over in the mirror, making sure her makeup and hair were good, before she grabbed her clutch and left the room.

"Rachel, the Uber is here," she called out after not seeing the brunette anywhere. 

"One second!" Rachel answered back from her room. When she finally emerged, Quinn was taken aback, eyes wide as she drank in every inch of Rachel, making the other girl fidget under her intense gaze. She was wearing an off the shoulder black and white dress, the white cutting out a flower shape over the black and a slit up to mid thigh. That particular feature of the dress had Quinn blushing, thinking about how easy she could just slip her fingers up Rachel's leg and...

Whoa, chill Quinn.

"Is something wrong?" Rachel asked.

"No," Quinn replied quickly. She had to swallow a few times before she could speak again. "You're beautiful." Rachel blushed, tucking a bit of hair back behind her ear.

"Thanks but you're the one who looks beautiful," Rachel smiled, checking Quinn out. Now it was the blonde's turn to fidget. She ran her fingers over the black lapel on Quinn's suit. "This color looks good on you."

"C'mon, we're going to be late," Quinn said, holding a hand out for Rachel to take, which she accepted with a smile. 

\---

Twenty five minutes later their car pulled up at their destination for the night. It was a small club that Quinn found online that had a live band and an open mic.

"Wow," Rachel said in awe as they entered the club arm and arm. It was decorated like something out of an old gangster movie. What she admired most, as a born performer, was the stage. "This place is amazing."

"I was hoping you'd like it," Quinn replied. She loved the way Rachel's eyes lit up at the stage. It was the exact reaction she was hoping for.  "C'mon," she said, tugging Rachel over to the dance floor. 

They danced to a few upbeat songs before heading over to a vacant table for a break. Quinn flagged down a waitress and they ordered drinks; a Long Island Iced Tea for Quinn and a Cosmopolitan for Rachel. 

"This has been great Quinn," Rachel said, laying her hand over Quinn's on the table, which had Quinn beaming with pride.

"This is just the start," she promised.

They sipped on their drinks once they arrived,  listening to the band and watching people on the dance floor. When the band finished their latest song,  an MC came up to the stage.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Onyx Club," he greeted the patrons who began clapping, including Rachel and Quinn. "We've got a great set planned for you tonight and we're going to kick things off with our first performer, so let's have a round of applause for Rachel Berry!"

Everyone clapped as the spotlight turned to Rachel and Quinn's table.

"You set this up!" Rachel turned to Quinn,  eyes wide then accusatory.

"Yes I did. You need to get loose and have some fun, plus I figured a performance in front of a live audience would help get rid of some of your jitters over the audition."

"I don't know whether to kiss you or yell at you." Quinn just smiled as she stood, offering Rachel her hand. After a moment's hesitation, Rachel accepted it, allowing Quinn to lead her to the stage. Quinn then moved back to their table as Rachel took her rightful place in front of the microphone on the middle of the stage.

The song started with only Rachel singing, not yet accompanied by the band.

 

**I have often dreamed of a far off place**  
**Where a hero's welcome would be waiting for me**  
**Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face**  
**And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be**

**I'll be there someday, I can go the distance**  
**I will find my way if I can be strong**  
**I know every mile would be worth my while**  
**When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong**

Rachel's eyes wandered around the crowd, taking in all the different people watching her performance. She couldn't help but smile. This was her drug, being in front of an audience singing her heart and soul out. She thought there was no other feeling in the world that compared to it until she turned her gaze to Quinn, who was watching her with a look Rachel hadn't seen from the other girl before.

Rachel thought back to the way Finn watched her perform. There was an unbridled love and devotion and pride each time shining in his eyes. He was her rock, her source of strength to power through each number.

But Quinn was watching her like she was the world. Breathing in time with the song as if Rachel's voice was the air in her lungs. It was the way she looked at her, hiding in the back row in the choir room, only Rachel had been too focused on Finn to ever notice.

The piano joined the next part of the song, which Quinn wished Rachel was singing only to her. 

 **Down an unknown road to embrace my fate**  
**Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you**  
**And a thousand years would be worth the wait**  
**It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through**

Then it was Rachel's time to bust her pipes loose, belting out the next verse with the band fully behind her.

 **And I won't look back, I can go the distance**  
**And I'll stay on track, no I won't accept defeat**  
**It's an uphill slope**  
**But I won't loose hope, 'till I go the distance**  
**And my journey is complete**

Rachel closed her eyes and paused, soaking in the energy buzzing from the crowd.

 

**Like a shooting star, I will go the distance**

The entire place erupted in cheers and applause when the song ended. Rachel took a graceful bow before hopping off stage, heading back for her table where Quinn was standing, clapping.

"Thank you," Rachel whispered, throwing her arms around the blonde's neck, pulling her into a hug. Quinn had been right; performing for a crowd instantly boosted Rachel's confidence, hearing them cheer for her. 

"You're welcome," Quinn replied. She pressed a gentle kiss.

\---

It was half past 11pm by the time Quinn and Rachel stumbled into the apartment, full of laughter and joy.

"That was amazing!" Rachel said, sinking into the couch with a huge grin. She was still riding the high from her performance and was more than a little bit tipsy. Quinn was as well but she was holding her liquor better than Rachel. "Have I thanked you for tonight?"

"More than once," Quinn replied, joining Rachel on the couch. She wasn't surprised when Rachel scooted closer to her so their sides were pressed together, since she'd done it in the Uber on the ride home. Just like in the car, Quinn wrapped an arm around Rachel, holding her close as Rachel laid her head on her shoulder.

They sat like that quietly for some time, just enjoying the moment and the feeling of being in each other's company. Eventually Quinn began to wonder if Rachel had fallen asleep on her because Rachel's eyes wete closed, but didn't dare move or check, not wanting to wake her just in case.

Almost as soon as the thought crossed Quinn's mind she felt Rachel shift slightly, followed by the feeling of Rachel's lips brushing against the side of her jaw.

"What was that for?" Quinn asked, surprised.

"Just wanted to," Rachel murmured into her skin, eyes still closed. Quinn swallowed back a moan when Rachel kissed her again, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of Rachel's soft lips on her skin. It was something she would never tire of.

"So was this a good first date?" Quinn asked hesitantly, opening her eyes to look down at Rachel, who'd opened her eyes at the question and was now looking back up her.

"It was a very nice first date, yes." Quinn tried her best not to grin but couldn't keep herself from doing so. Never in a million years did she think she'd ever get to take Rachel on a real date and now that she had, it had been an overwhelming success. "Don't get too full of yourself," Rachel teased, a smile tugging on her own lips as well.

"Don't have any idea what you're talking about."

"Mhm," Rachel hummed, closing her eyes again as she snuggled closer into Quinn's side, drapping her leg over Quinn's.

Quinn swallowed hard, suddenly very aware of just how high the slit in Rachel's dress really was. How she ever insulted the brunette's legs in the past she had no idea. They were long, tan and toned from the countless hours Rachel spent dancing and rehearsing. They were, in a word, beautiful; just like the rest of her.

"Uh Rachel?"

"Yes?" Rachel replied, not bothering to open her eyes.

"Your, uh, leg," Quinn said, clearing her throat.

"Is it bothering you?" Rachel asked, finally opening her eyes to look up at the blonde.

"Not exactly..."

"Do you want me to move?"

"Not exactly," Quinn repeated, finally moving her gaze from Rachel's let to her face. They stared at each other for several long moments until Quinn leaned in, capturing Rachel's lips with her own.

The kiss started slow but quickly grew heated, almost frantic, as their mouths explored one another. Neither girl wanted to give into the other just yet, tongues dueling in an almost endless dance.

Rachel gasped softly in surprise when she felt Quinn's hand on the leg she'd drapped over the blonde's lap, eyes snapping open.

"Is this okay?" Quinn asked, breaking the kiss. Rachel swallowed before nodding. Quinn was reveling in the fact that she was finally getting to do something she'd only dreamed of, as she slowly moved her hand up Rachel's thigh. She was amazed at how smooth Rachel's skin was and she almost felt feverish under Quinn's palm, her skin was so warm.

Rachel's breaths quickened, eyes closing as she savoured the feeling of Quinn touching her. It was different than she'd expected (not that she'd really put much thought into it, hardly any really...) and she couldn't help but compare Quinn to Finn in that moment.

She'd loved every time she had been intimate with Finn and he had always been a generous and caring lover but there were times where hands felt heavy and cumbersome. But Quinn... Quinn's touch was gentle, almost careful as if Rachel was something that needed to be handled with care and not pawed at. It caused a warmth to grow steadily in both her belly and heart.

"Rachel...?" Quinn hesitated, stilling her movements once her hand had reached the top of the slit in Rachel's dress. If she moved her fingers just half an inch more, they'd disappear under Rachel's skirt and that had both girls heads spinning.

When Rachel opened her eyes and found Quinn's, she saw that Quinn's hazel eyes were almost brown, darkened by lust but what had Rachel most taken aback was the love she could see shining in them as well. It stole her breath.

"Hey," Quinn said gently, moving her hand from Rachel's thigh to wipe away the tears that were silently spilling down Rachel's cheeks. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," Rachel whispered, moving so she was sitting up straighter on the couch. 

"You don't have to apologise," Quinn assured, sitting up straight as well. She placed her hands in her lap, fiddling with them nervously as she stared at the dark tv screen in front of them. "If anything I should apologise. I shouldn't have done that."

"Quinn, no... I..."

"It's okay," Quinn said quickly. "We're just drunk right?"

"We're not that drunk, Quinn," Rachel said pointedly. "I liked you touching me... It's just..."

"You can tell me anything, Rachel," Quinn said, placing a gentle hand on the singer's shoulder.

" The way you were looking at me... No one's looked at me like that since..."

"Finn." Quinn finished for her, dropping her hand from Rachel's shoulder. Rachel nodded, wiping away another tear that managed to escape. "Do you want me to go home?"

"We are home," Rachel replied, not understanding that Quinn was actually referring to leaning New York and going back to Lima.

"I mean going back to Lima," the blonde clarified. There she was, ready to run again instead of deal with heartache (which followed Quinn everywhere she went).

"What? Quinn, no! No I don't want you to leave," Rachel answered quickly, taking both of Quinn's hands in hers. "I know you're not Finn and I don't expect you to be." Rachel paused, gathering her thoughts for a moment before she continued on. "This last year I've felt cold from the inside out almost as if my heart had been frozen. But the way you look at me, that love I see in your eyes, I feel like it's starting to melt that ice. Like my heart is starting to beat again."

Quinn listened intently to Rachel's every word, blushing furiously by the time the shorter girl had finished. "So what does that mean for us?" She dared to ask.

"It means I might mess things up sometimes, like now, or get emotional but that doesn't mean I don't want to stop this. I like this, but I'm still trying to sort everything out so I might need you to be a little patient with me."

"I can do that," Quinn said with a nod. She was feeling a mixture of different emotions but found some solace in the fact that Rachel still wanted to see where things went.

Rachel leaned over and kissed Quinn's cheek, letting her lips linger briefly, before sitting back up. "Thank you."

"So what now? Quinn asked.

"Probably bed. It's getting late," Rachel replied after glancing at the clock on the wall.

"Yeah that's probably a good idea," Quinn agreed.

Rachel got to her feet first and turned her back to Quinn, while simultaneously moving her hair off her back and over her shoulder, revealing the zipper of Rachel's dress. Understanding, Quinn rose to her feet and took the zipper between her fingers. Rachel watched Quinn's face over her shoulder, as the blonde pulled down the zipper.

"Thank you," Rachel murmured, turning to face Quinn once the taller girl had finished. She held her dress to her with one arm the way someone would keep a towel wrapped around them, as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss Quinn's cheek. 'Good night, Quinn."

"Night, Rachel," Quinn replied.

Both girls hesitated briefly before finally heading to their rooms to retire, neither really wanting to be out of the others company but neither had the courage to say it, so they went to bed alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rachel's dress: http://www3.pictures.stylebistro.com/gi/Lea+Michele+Dresses+Skirts+Cocktail+Dress+DN9lhQBq78sl.jpg
> 
> Quinn's outfit: https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1zcibalUSMeJjSszcq6znwVXal/-font-b-Women-b-font-font-b-Pant-b-font-font-b-Suits-b-font.jpg


End file.
